


Towards the sun

by Elys



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Blood, Blood and Torture, Cigarettes, Confusion, Crying, Cultural Differences, Drunk Dancing, F/M, Falling In Love, Gods, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Language Barrier, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, Panic Attacks, Piercings, Possessive Behavior, Ravens, Rituals, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Singing, Time Travel, Torture, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Vomiting, Weddings, kind of, modern girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-03-03 14:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13343088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elys/pseuds/Elys
Summary: Pia just wanted to go to work, but oh well, shit happens.





	1. Towards the sun

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me my mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker.

“ _Fuck_!” she cursed for the fourth time.

 

Pia took a deep breath in and then exhaled, wanting to calm down. She has gone through this forest many times on her way to work daily, but now she felt like she was in a completely different dimension. There was no path she always used, she didn't pass the house of the gamekeeper, and she couldn't see the tall chimneys of the factory behind the crowns of the trees.

 

She cursed again, more angry than alarmed. She pulled out her phone to call her boss to inform him she would be late but it refused to obey. There was no signal. She sat on the ground and leaned against a tree. Pia wasn't a person who panicked quickly and without a reason, but this situation seemed too stressful.

 

First of all, she had no idea where she was. Certainly, it was not the forest, that separated her house from the main road and the passage to the city. Secondly, her phone didn't work. She had no way of contacting anyone to ask for help. Thirdly, it was dusk and Pia didn't feel safe.

 

She began to tremble. She didn't know, whether it was because of cold or out of fear. She started humming to get hold of herself. When her heart started to beat more calmly and she was sure of her voice, she began to sing.

 

“ _Turn your face towards the sun. Let the shadows fall behind you. Don't look back, just carry on. And the shadows will never find you,_ ”

 

She took a breath to keep sing, but when she heard a rustle in the bushes, she stood up immediately. She opened her mouth to ask who it was, but she didn't want to be a stereotypical dumb blonde girl from horror movies. She took off her backpack, clenched her fingers on it, and pressed her back against the tree, hoping to blend into it. But nothing like that happened and the sounds became clearer.

 

When a figure _crawled out_ of the bushes, Pia almost screamed. Her eyes were wide open in fear and shock. The boy stopped moving and looked at her. However, she wasn't looking at his face, but at his legs. She didn't see blood, but he could be injured. His unusual clothes also caught her attention.

 

“Are you in need of help?” she asked in a weak voice. The boy raised his eyebrow. “Your legs...”

 

“I'm a cripple.”

 

"It seems to me, that ' _a person with a disability_ ' would be a more proper term," she said, watching him crawl toward her. She wanted to step back, but she hit the tree behind her.

 

“You don't have to be afraid, _sváss snót*,”_

 

Pia didn't know how to react. Not only to his unknown words but also to his behaviour. She moved away a few steps to give him room to lean against the tree. However, before she could pull back completely and run away, the boy grabbed her ankle. Her brown eyes met his blue ones. She lost her footing for a moment, but somehow she regained her balance.

 

"Sit next to me," he demanded.

 

Pia sat down when his fingers disappeared from her ankle. Her heart was beating fast, her body was shaking, she broke out in a cold sweat. She wanted to cry. She got lost in the woods, she didn't have a phone signal and a strangely dressed psychopath would kill her. She leaned against the same tree as he, she put her backpack between her legs and began to rummage through it, feeling his eyes on her. She took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

 

“Would you mind terribly if I had a smo...” she started out of habit, but quickly stopped. If she was about to die, she had the right to the last wish.

 

She pulled her scarf down. She put a cigarette between her lips, lit it and immediately relaxed. For a few seconds, she even forgot that someone was sitting next to her. She looked at him and her lips parted. She was looking at him earlier, but now that her mind was not overwhelmed by fear, she could _see_ how _beautiful_ he was. Thick, raven-black hair, piercing eyes and sharp features. For a moment she wanted to touch him. Instead, she directed her hand with the cigarette in his direction, offering him some.

 

The boy had been fascinated by what she was doing, but now he seemed uncertain. Pia understood, that despite her suggestions, he didn't know what to do.

 

“You take a cigarette between your fingers. Then you put it in your mouth, you drag on it, so that the smoke reaches your lungs,” She showed all the steps in turn, and then released the smoke, creating circles. ”Then you exhale.”

 

She gave him the cigarette again and this time he accepted it. Pia hid her face in the scarf and watched how stranger tried to do everything as she said. He inhaled and then began to cough. Pia began to laugh, ignoring his angry look. The boy threw the cigarette away, ignoring her ' _hey_!' and grabbed her shoulder tightly.

 

Pia paled. These few minutes of relaxation were a mistake. She shouldn't have left her guard down. The boy took off her hat with his free hand and then began to unwrap the scarf. Pia tried to break free, but it didn't work. His grip was too strong. When he finished, he looked at her and she saw her reflection in his eyes.

 

Tousled hair, glazed eyes, red cheeks and nose. Her lips were gently parted, ready to scream.

 

"You are different from everyone I know," he said. His voice quiet, the accent very hearable. He put his dirty fingers on her neck, ideally placing them on the pulsing vein. “You don't behave like people from England, and yet you speak their language. You don't dress like them or like my people. Who are you?"

 

“What do you mean?” she asked uncertain. “Who are your people? Where am I? Who are you?”

 

"Answer my questions first," he growled, his face dangerously close to hers.

 

“I'm Pia Petersen, I was born in Great Britain, I'm twenty-two years old and I'm studying acting.”

 

“Where is Great Britain? And what acting is?”

 

Pia stared at him blankly for a long moment. She didn't know whether to take it seriously or as a joke. She blinked several times. She changed her position so that now she sat in front of him, not beside him.

 

“No, no, no! Now is my turn! Where am I? And who are you?”

 

“I'm Ivar, and you will come with me.”

 

 

;:;

 

 

Pia followed Ivar for three reasons.

 

The first, quite obvious one, she didn't know _this_ forest and had no idea where to go. Secondly, she preferred to look at him than to have him to look at her. Thanks to that, she felt a little safer. The third reason why she didn't run away when he looked away was that she had no idea where she was and she really needed help.

 

Pia didn't ask questions as they walked, but she listened intently to what Ivar has been saying to himself in his mother tongue. It was very similar to the Icelandic, her mother's native language. She knew only basic words. As a child, she was not interested in learning another language, and she had to start studying when she moved to Iceland with her mother five months ago.

 

Ivar spoke mainly about that his brothers would not believe him, that Floki would be astonished. She had no idea, who his brothers and Floki were or what was fascinating about her, but she calmed down. The boy's slow movements had put her in a trance, which she had only wrested out from when Ivar turned to her.

 

“Answering your previous question, we are in Kattegat. Only a few people know your speech. None of my brothers has this skill, so don't be surprised, when they do not answer your questions.”

 

Pia nodded, listening to him with one ear and letting out with other. All her attention was absorbed by the bustling town. The merchants were shouting all at once, women were looking at the fabric to buy. The crowd was so huge, and Pia was afraid she would get lost among them. There was also another problem.

 

“Ivar, right?” she asked, wanting to be sure she was pronouncing his name correctly. He looked at her. “I don't want to be rude, but... How are you going to get us through this? Will you be like Moses for whom the sea parted?”

 

“Who is Moses? And how did he do it?”

 

“It's a story for a different time,” she replied after a moment, shocked. “But in short, it's a character from the Bible.”

 

“Are you a Christian?” he snarled, grabbing her ankle hard.

 

Pia moaned, feeling his fingers leaving bruises on her skin. She tried to escape, but the boy jerked harder and she stopped moving.

 

“And why does it matter?”

 

**"** **Are you?"**

 

“No!” she answered truthfully. However, she had the impression that if she were, she would have to lie for her own good.

 

Ivar stared at her for a few seconds, his eyes glistening dangerously, a smile creep over his lips and he threw a satisfied ' _good_ ' in her way. They turned to the right and Pia guessed that it was for them to be able to walk freely. She wrapped the scarf around her tightly, when the wind blew harder.

 

She saw that people who were passing them send her an inquisitive look, but she tried to ignore it. Even when they entered the building full of people, that was staring at her, she tried to act with dignity and didn't hide in her too large jacket.

 

Ivar stopped and slid on the bench near the table. He began to talk to people sitting there, leaving her alone. She stood in front of them and pretended that everything was absolutely fine and that she didn't feel awkward and uncomfortable at all.

 

She eavesdroped once again. This time not the boy, but his conversations with other men. The situation was more difficult now because alcohol made their speech less understandable. She understood, however, that they were talking about England, Odin and revenge. She didn't know about what exactly, because she only knew that three words. She wanted to take the cigarettes out of her backpack, but she was embarrassed to make any move. She didn't feel confident enough and the boy's behaviour didn't help.

 

"Don't be shy, come closer," Ivar said, beckoning her with a wave of his hand.

 

In a normal situation, she would mumble, that she was not a dog, but in this strange environment, she preferred to fulfil his simple desires. She came up to him without even looking at his friends. He extended his hand, pulled off her hat in one movement and with the other her scarf. He put them on the table and Pia wanted to ask him to return her things for two reasons. Firstly, she had nowhere to hide her face. Secondly, they were made by her grandmother and she certainly did not want anyone to spill anything on them.

 

She gave up quickly because someone distracted her. A hand appeared on her hip and Pia without thinking, knocked it down. She moved closer to Ivar and caught his tunic with her thumb and index finger like a child holding its mother's skirt when they were afraid. Her behaviour was amusing, even to the person, that touched her. Ivar was pleased like the cat that got the cream.

 

"Hvitserk just wanted to say hello," he laughed and then started speaking again. “It's Ubbe, Bjorn and Sigurd. Hvitserk, you've got to know. They are my brothers.”

 

Pia smiled crookedly and put her hand forward to greet them, but they just stared at her blankly. She withdrew, feeling blush on her face and cleavage.

 

“You don't shake hands to say hello, do you?” she asked embarrassed. Ivar looked at her with amusement, nodding. “Please, let them know, that it's nice to meet them.”

 

He did it, and they lifted the goblets up and then drank from them. Ivar shifted to the side and patted the seat between him and Ubbe. Pia sat down and instantly clam up, not wanting to touch any of them. She put her hands on her knees, not knowing what to do with them. She felt someone put her hair behind her ear. This move was so delicate and unexpected, that Pia jumped up, bumping into Ubbe.

 

Her large eyes were focused on the boy's face and his raised hand. She quickly returned to her position, seeing that hurt passed through his face. It sounded strange in her mind, but she didn't want him to feel rejected. She might have been afraid of him at the very beginning, although now she didn't have a reason to be. He brought her to the village, she wasn't lost anymore and she hoped that he would help her. Sure, he was a bit bizarre, but everyone here seemed to be.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to..." she began, but seeing that her apologize meant nothing, she made her hair go back to its previous place and smiled shyly. “Try again, this time I will react correctly.”

 

Ivar's jaw was clenched and his eyes shone angrily. And though he looked scary, Pia was not afraid. She turned her head towards him and waited for his move. Finally, after a time that seemed like an eternity, Ivar once again tuck her hair behind her ear. This time his fingers touched her skin. He caressed her forehead, her cheek, and stopped at her neck. Pia shivered.

 

"So..." she started the conversation, trying to get rid of the well-known feeling in her lower abdomen. The names of his brothers, as well as his name, seemed familiar to her and she only wanted to ascertain her preposterous assumptions. “I know you certainly have questions, but let me ask you one first?”

 

"If you promise to answer mine," he said, ignoring his brothers, who wanted him to translate something.

 

“Of course,” This assurance seemed enough for him. She took a deep breath. ”Is your father Ragnar Lothbrok? Are your brothers Bjorn _Ironside_ and Sigurd _Snake-in-the-eye_? Are you _Ivar the Boneless_?”

 

“The answer is ' _yes_ ', to all your questions,” he whispered as if he was revealing his innermost secret, but there was a mocking smile on his lips. ”It's my turn now. Who are you and where is Great Britain?”

 

Pia heard him ask her a question, but the shock didn't let her do anything. So she looked at him with her mouth wide open and wondered how all this was possible. There was no doubt that what was happening was real, but how? Ivar awoke her from her thoughts. He pinched her cheek firmly as if she was an unruly child.

 

“Great Britain doesn't exist yet. And as I said before, I'm Pia Petersen, I'm twenty-two years old and I'm studying acting.”

 

“How can you come from a place that doesn't exist?” His fingers disappeared from her neck and began to play with her hair. The boy's voice perfectly expressed his feelings. Apparently, in his eyes, she was quite simple-minded. “And explain what acting is, _please_.”

 

"The simplest answer to almost all your questions would be... And please, don't think I'm crazy," she stammered stressed out, moving closer to him. She put her hands on his and squeezed. “As you probably have noticed, I don't fit here, and that's because I'm not from _here_. Please, believe me, I really do not lie... I'm from the future.”

 

Ivar looked at her for a long time. Then he looked at their joined hands, how their knees were touching. Then he looked back at her face. She knew how she had looked. Hair stuck to her face from sweat, her eyes wandering and her breathing shallow. Despite the fact that she felt like a woman who had just fled from the funhouse, Ivar's lips began to rise up and now  _he_ looked _crazy_.

 

He leaned to the left to look at his brothers. He spoke to them very quickly and Pia didn't understand a word. The brothers looked at her, then at Ivar. Disbelief and awe on their face. Bjorn laid something on the table and told Ivar something about the map. Ivar focused again on her.

 

“What did you tell them? Did you tell them that I have lost my mind?”

 

“Do not be ridiculous, _heimskur.**_ I told them the truth. Gods sent you to show that they are supporting us," he said quietly and slowly, seeing that his words were not reaching her. “Now be a darling and read this map.”

 

Pia didn't ask unnecessary questions. She preferred not to know what he meant and why his gods would do it. That's why she looked at the map. And yet she had some question.

 

“So what do you want to know?”

 

“Everything _you_ know.”

 

"I've never been good at geography, so it will not be much," she murmured and studied the map. “Well, it's a map of Europe. One of the seven continents. We're part of it, England is part of it.”

 

Bjorn pointed to the unsigned part of the map, and Ivar translated his question.

 

"It's Spain," she answered and waited for another question.

 

Bjorn turned the map over and put something on it, that was supposed to be used for drawing. Ivar explained to her that his brother wanted her to draw a map of the world she knows. Pia looked at Bjorn with a raised eyebrow. He only urged her with a wave of his hand. She lifted the backpack from the ground and took out a notebook and a pen. She laid it on her knees and drew a map of the world with awkward movements. It was not perfect, but it was all she could do. Bjorn wanted to continue asking questions, but Ivar didn't let him.

 

“It's time to go to the ritual.”

 

“Ritual? What ritual?” she asked, terrified.

 

“Oh, do not worry. You will not be sacrificed. Gods have only now given you to me, haven't they? Now come on, I do not want to be late.”

 

Pia took her hat and scarf, but before leaving, she grabbed goblet from Sigurd's hand and drank its contents.

 

"I needed it," she said, looking at his startled expression.

 

Sigurd didn't know her language, but he understood what she wanted to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sváss snót - sweet lady  
> **heimskur – silly  
> Pia sings Rihanna song 'Towards the sun'.


	2. Dancing queen

Pia was used to the excited crowd.

 

She went on sales, to the concerts. And for God's sake, she lived in London for over twenty years. That's why she knew it wasn't the crowd that was her problem. In addition, because of Ivar's presence, people weren't standing close to them. On the one hand, she enjoyed having her private zone unaffected, but on the other, she was doomed to be alone with Ivar.

 

 _During the ritual_. She was to stand next to Ivar during the Viking ritual. She wrote about it in one of her assignments in high school and knew that there would be _a lot_ of blood. And _that_ worried her. Because of it her hands and back were covered with sweat, she was feeling nauseous and she wanted to escape from here. Which she tried to do, but the darkness surrounding her and Ivar's hand on her calf had changed her mind.

 

“Do I really have to watch it?” she asked in a weak voice.

 

"Yes," he answered. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down so that she would kneel beside him, while he was sitting on the log. “You _must_  look at it. You are a gift _from_ the gods, and he is a gift _for_ them.”

 

Pia looked at the man, who was walking toward the woman with an owl on her shoulder. In her papers, she described many forms of rituals over the centuries, and the Vikings were only a small part of what she wrote about, so she had many questions. She rested her elbows on Ivar's thigh to get a little more comfortable. Thanks to that she saw how on the other side of the boy appeared a tall man and a woman with a teenage girl at her side. They started talking to Ivar, and he put his fingers in her hair.

 

Pia's eyes met the girl's gaze. She looked different than the others, and Pia decided she must have been taken away on one of their raids. The woman, who embraced her did it too hard, or the girl didn't want it very much. She asked in Spanish if she needed help and the girl immediately revived. She began to talk about how Vikings killed her parents and kidnapped her.

 

The girl's knowledge was much larger than she expected. She knew Spanish, but it was not her native language. Her accent was too hearable. She also knew who were the people, that were keeping her against her will and she managed to learn a few words from their language.

 

Pia stood up when the girl began to wriggle in the woman's grip and when she succeeded, she ran to her and hid behind her. The tall man stopped the woman from throwing herself at them and calmed her down.

 

"We'll talk about it after the ritual," Ivar said in a low voice, his eyes never breaking away from the drastic scene that had taken place before them. “ _Now watch_.”

 

Pia didn't want to, she really did _not_ want to watch it, but... Something pulled her in. Fascinated, she watched as the man willingly impaled himself on the blade. Blood began to run down on his stomach, and he fell to his knees. Pia pressed the girl's face closer to her chest, not wanting her to look at it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ivar leaning forward, thrilled by the sight of blood.

 

Pia hid her face in the girl's hair. She didn't know what worried her more. The fact that the sight of the murder didn't bother her, or – she dared to say - she even liked it, or the familiar feeling of lust that had burnt her, when she looked at Ivar.

 

;:;

 

Pia had to give Tanaruz back, no matter how she wanted to stay. The tall man, who was introduced to her as Floki, stayed with them. He didn't go with his wife, Helga, and their adopted daughter. This situation helped her to understand how effusive Ivar was when he was moved.

 

She followed them when they went to the beach. The sand was cold and the wind was cutting her cheeks, but it didn't bother her. She laid down on her back and stared at the sky full of stars. The men were talking to each other and Pia was too sleepy to listen to them. She curled up next to Ivar's legs like a cat then closed her eyes. She almost fell asleep, when she felt a hand on her head. She rose up. They were alone again.

 

“Why were you nice to that slave?”

 

Pia immediately sobered up. She sat on her heels and looked at the boy.

 

“She's scared, Ivar! She is in a new place, with strangers. She has no one here.”

 

“You've lost me. Are we talking about you or her?”

 

“Don't joke around. She needs help...”

 

“Helga lost her daughter. That's why she acts that way,” he said, ending the topic he himself started.

 

Pia snorted irritated, but it only amused Ivar more. She changed her position and now sat beside him, resting her arm on his. Ivar put his hand on her knee and Pia felt at home. She imagined that she was still in her small town, sitting on the beach with a newly met boy and was ready to show him her lace underwear.

 

How much she wanted it to be true. How she wanted it all to be a dream. But everything was too real. She sighed and shifted her gaze to Ivar. He was looking at their hands, which they had joined together a few minutes ago. Pia was here only for a few hours, but she did notice some facts about Ragnar's son.

 

He wasn't close to his brothers. Well, maybe one of them seemed interested in his wellbeing. Only Ubbe spoke to Ivar, using the gentle tone of voice. Hvitserk was nice enough, but his behaviour suggested he considered himself to be better than his brother. Bjorn and Sigurd didn't even try to hide their dislike. Other people's behaviour was similar. They avoided Ivar and Pia was not sure if things were like that because he was disabled or because of his... _originality_.

 

Floki, however, seemed to be his good friend. They knew each other well and Ivar trusted him. Even more than Ubbe. She also learned that he has a disturbing fetish of knives and blood. She probably also has one too.

 

"It's kind of funny," she said, clearing her throat. Ivar hmmed, letting her know that he was listening. “When we first met, I felt like a rabbit trying to escape the wolf, and now I imagine inappropriate things about you.”

 

Ivar's thumb stopped forming circles on her palm. Pia looked at him from under the fan of dark lashes. His eyes were shining, he moistened his lips and he focused his attention on her. Only now she noticed how young his face looked. Her fingers created a route from his eyebrows, through his nose to his lips.

 

“How old are you, Ivar?” she asked and immediately regretted her decision when he answered. She moved away from him. “ _Seventeen_? You are seventeen years old?”

 

“Is this a problem?”

 

In a sense, it was a problem. She was legal, he was not. She was five years older than him and Pia wouldn't allow herself to be in this situation if she still was in the twenty-first century. But she was not. This was the Viking Age and they didn't bother with such things. Purely theoretically, they were both mature. She put her lips to his cheek.

 

“No,” she smiled and stood up, dusting off the sand. “Now come on, I left my backpack in that big hall, and I want to smoke. And I'm hungry too.”

 

 

;:;

 

“They think you're a _v_ _ö_ _lva_.”

 

Pia looked from the goblet full of alcohol to Ivar. She raised an eyebrow up in a questioning gesture. They sat at the same table, with the same people, in the same place. From the crowd and ale, it got hot. She pulled off her jacket and sweater, staying only in a white shirt. She put her hat and scarf in her backpack. She was full and sleepy, but she tried to look good.

 

“And who _völva_ is?” she asked, moving her gaze to the observing them brothers.

 

They had not exchanged a word since they entered, and Pia probably knew the reason. Ivar felt either rejected or embarrassed. Now she knew it was the second one.

 

“It's a female shaman, a woman who sees the future.”

 

“I'm not a seer, I'm _from_ the future, Ivar. I don't think you understand English as well as I thought.”

 

"I understood everything perfectly," he replied, putting his hand on the back of her neck. “You do not understand your role. And if you're _from_ the future, it means you've _seen_ it.”

 

Pia blinked several times, she had to admit that his logic made sense. She laughed loudly, not caring that she would attract the attention of others even more. She broke off a piece of bread from the plate and put it in her mouth, still chuckling.

 

"So I'm a witch," she said, looking for a woman with a jug. She smiled and lifted her cup up, asking for a refill. “Did I be _witch_ you, Ivar?”

 

She took a sip of beer, looking at Ivar's reaction. It took him a moment to understand her cheesy joke, but when he did, he smiled broadly. He understood her attempt to flirt and apparently liked it. She put her hand on his cheek, then began to comb his hair with her fingers. She couldn't believe how _breathtaking_ he was.

 

Pia wanted to kiss him here and now, ignoring the presence of other people. She also knew that when the alcohol stopped to swim in her blood, she would regret it. Ivar's hand moved to her thigh, and she didn't mind it.

 

“Not only me, _lítit dróttning*”_ he laughed.

 

Pia hit him gently on the shoulder, wanting to get rid of the sexual tension between them, and then stuck out her tongue.

 

“Why did you do it?” he asked, and Pia understood, that he doesn't know the gesture. Ivar caught her chin with his two fingers, drew her face closer and told her to put out her tongue again. “What is it?”

 

"Tongue ring," she replied, putting it back, then showed her ears, in which there was a lot of earrings. Then she leaned back, lifted her shirt up so he could see her pierced belly button. “I have one here too.”

 

Ivar's fingers went to her belly and he began to play with her gem. Suddenly the room became even hotter, a shiver passed through her body and she could bet that Ivar had noticed goose bumps on her exposed skin. Pia used the music that Sigurd began to play as an excuse to leave the table and started to dance.

 

It wasn't the music she listens to or usually danced to, but it wasn't bad. It reminded her of the folk songs that her mother listened to. She raised her hands and began to sway her hips. First, she slowly made eights with them, then she accelerated and added twirling. She began to wave her hair, laugh and act as if she was alone, as if nobody was watching her.

 

When Sigurd stopped playing, Pia gasped and was ready to think she would lose the button from the top of her shirt, because of all that breathing. She returned to the table, but this time she scrambled to Ivar's lap, she drank ale and lit a cigarette. When she did a trick with smoke that flowed from her mouth to nose, she looked at Hvitserk, who seemed shocked. Pia felt that it wasn't because of the cigarette.

 

"Ivar, I want to do something," she whispered seductively, not noticing his surprised but satisfied face. “Just don't cough, okay?”

 

Pia took a drag and then kissed Ivar, breathing smoke into his lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lítit dróttning* - little queen


	3. Alone

Pia woke up feeling safe.

 

She didn't feel like that for a very long time. Since her father's death, it was difficult for her to fall asleep. Now, she felt immense warmth and comfort. She didn't want to move, she wanted to sleep further, so she cuddled into the source of her contentment more. The source moved and clutched its limbs on her waist. Pia moaned unhappily into the pillow and opened her eyes.

 

She completely didn't expect what she saw, when she opened her eyes. She lay in bed under blankets and fur, and what she thought was a pillow, in reality, was a warm, masculine body. She was buried in the man's chest, and his hand was lying comfortably on her hip. She raised her head and what she saw shocked her even more.

 

Ivar's eyes were closed, his lips parted. His face was calm, he didn't have nightmares. The fact, that she was in bed with him was astonishing for two reasons. Firstly, she did _not_ remember at first, that she was in the past. Secondly, she did _not_ remember how she got here with him, no matter how long she thought about it.

 

She untangled from his embrace and experienced another shock. She slept in her underwear _only_. Her innocent white lace set. And she had no idea what happened last night. So she decided to get dressed and eat something, waiting for Ivar. She found her jeans, shirt and thick socks, which she put on her trousers, and trekking shoes on her feet. She couldn't find her sweater anywhere, but she saw her backpack, so she took it and unveiled a curtain, that separated her from the large room, where Ivar's brothers were already sitting.

 

She greeted them with a nod and then sat down in a chair between Hvitserk and Sigurd. She felt dizzy, her stomach was upset, and when she saw a plate of bread and meat in front of her, she felt like throwing up. She took out the unfinished candy bar from her backpack and ignored the curious looks of brothers.

 

Normally, she would feel uncomfortable with sitting in complete silence with strangers, and though she could understand, that there was a language barrier, she would still feel it, feel awkwardness. Now, however, she didn't care, because she felt like shit. She lit a cigarette, ignoring the fact, that smoke flew straight to Sigurd. He coughed mercilessly, but he didn't move away from her, he even drew near. Pia looked at him as one looks at an unwanted Casanova.

 

"They think it's a kind of reinforcing ritual," she heard.

 

She turned and saw Ivar crawling toward them. She glanced at his torso and understood, where her sweater had disappeared. She had taken it from her father's wardrobe. When one of her one stand night boys wore it to go to the kitchen for coffee, she made a fuss. However, now looking at how perfectly dashing he looked in it, she did nothing. Ivar said something to Hvitserk, and Hvitserk let him take his place.

 

“Why?” she asked, sending smoke circles in his direction.

 

"Because you're still doing it," he pointed to the smoke. “Well, yesterday you did a few things, that made us think we have to keep an eye on you.”

 

She laughed nervously and asked about what he was talking about, but he only smiled mockingly. Pia concentrated and tried to remember, what had happened the night before. She remembered sitting with him on the beach, recalled drinking in the big hall and showing him her body pierced parts. Then she danced and... _kissed him_! She kissed Ivar. But that was not the end. She did it again and again. All that happened, while she was sitting on his lap.

 

Pia hid her face in her hands, careful not to set her hair on fire with a cigarette. At first, they thought she was a witch, and now she had been getting drunk and kissing boys she had just met. All in all, this was not far from true, even in her time.

 

"They must have an interesting opinion about me," she muttered, taking a sip of the water Ubbe gave her.

 

“You are still a völva, but one that does not avoid the joy of life and has very innovative ways to solve problems.”

 

“Dancing, smoking cigarettes and kissing are medicine for everything,” she snorted, then cleared her throat. “Did anything happen between us? Because I don't remember coming back, and I woke up in my underwear, and you're wearing my sweater.”

 

She touched the cloth's sleeve with tenderness, unable to look directly into Ivar's eyes. He didn't answer because a blond hair woman had entered the cottage. She looked at her uncertainly, but when Ubbe approached and embraced her, she relaxed. Pia saw muscles on her face ceased to be tense. The girl was close to Ubbe, but after looking at Sigurd, Pia could see that the boy liked her too. She wasn't sure with Hvitserk. He seemed to follow Ubbe step by step, so his sympathy could also be related to it.

 

Ubbe led the girl to Pia and pointed to her and introduced her. Margrethe, because that was her name, focused her eyes on her backpack. Ubbe was saying something about wife and wedding, and Ivar only shook his head, shouting something she didn't quite understand. She grabbed his hand, wanting him to calm down and to stop acting like a child. She guessed that Ubbe and Margrethe wanted something from her, and Ivar didn't want to give it to them. She asked him about it. He just shrugged.

 

“They are getting married today and they want Odin's remarkable prophet to give them her blessing.”

 

Pia blinked several times.

 

“First of all, I'm not a prophet. Secondly, even if I was, who said that Odin sent me? I always liked Loki more. Thirdly, what do they think is my blessing?”

 

Ivar nodded at the cigarette she held between her fingers.

 

"There is a sign of Odin on it, so it's obvious that you were sent from him. Therefore, this smoke that you suck in and exhale, is considered special.”

 

“Odin's sign is a raven?” she asked, but Ivar considered it a rhetorical question, so he didn't answer. Ivar was angry because he didn't like to share. He didn't want her to give them a cigarette, but he didn't want her to kiss them either. “Tell them to open their mouth.”

 

Ivar hesitated for a moment, but finally, he told the couple what to do. Pia stood up and approached the girl first. She drag on it and began to blow smoke straight into Margrethe's mouth. She did the same with Ubbe. She turned to Ivar.

 

“Does this mean I am invited to their wedding?”

 

;:;

 

Pia was forced to walk with Ivar everywhere. Not because he _told her to_ or because she _couldn't_ _stay_ alone. Pia didn't want _to be_ alone. She had no one else here, no one else she could communicate with, and she didn't even know if she wanted anyone else.

 

They walked through the forest. Ivar said he wanted to show her something. He didn't want to reveal what it was, but he promised that she would be delighted, that it would be the best thing she would ever see in her life. Pia doubted that his surprise for her could compete with that she had traveled in time, but she wouldn't stop him from trying. He also promised that soon after that, they would go to find an appropriate dress for her. She had to present herself with style as Odin's envoy.

 

Pia could see from afar, what Ivar wanted her to see. Chariot. When they were close, he began to explain that Floki had made it especially for him, so that he could freely fight in battles, despite his disability. Pia walked around the vehicle as Ivar climbed up on it. She touched the decorations on the chariot and began to wonder how much they knew about Romans. Then something hit her. The ritual took place yesterday, today Ivar talked about the fight.

 

“What battle are you talking about?” she asked looking at him.

 

“Me and my brothers are going to England to avenge our father's death. We sail out in two days,” he explained. Pia shivered. She was terrified to stay in Kattegat without Ivar. However, what he said after that frightened her even more. “I would like you to come with us.”

 

“Are you mad?!” she burst out. “What would I do there? I wouldn't be of use to you. I cannot fight or heal people. I'm not going to be anyone's lover. So why would I go there?”

 

"Because you'll be safe there," he said. Pia had the impression that it really was about ' _You will be with me there_ '. "I'm afraid I cannot trust Lagertha to keep you safe, Pia.”

 

“Who is Lagertha and why would she care about me?” she asked, still not quite convinced.

 

“Lagertha is Bjorn's mother. She killed the previous ruler of Kattegat, which was my mother, Aslaug,” he replied, and Pia let out a quiet _oh_. Ivar moved his hand forward, asking her to stand on the chariot beside him. “I tried to avenge her death, but Bjorn's return ruined my plans. Now, she would do anything to take what's important to me. And you are important.”

 

Pia didn't know how to react to this confession. She was angry and full of compassion at the same time. Ivar wanted her to sail with him to England, when they knew each other less than one day and he tried to play on her feelings, saying that he cares about her well being and that she is important when it was only about his possessive feelings. But he was an orphan and Pia couldn't yell at him anymore. His father and mother were dead, and his brothers excluded him. She leaned over and put her forehead on his.

 

“Promise me that I will survive this raid and that you will always be with me,” she pleaded, trying to control the tremor and anxiety that appeared in her. Ivar nodded and Pia boldly claimed he had tears in his eyes. He put his hand on her hip and pulled her to him, forcing her to sit on his lap. “What were they like? Your parents?”

 

Ivar was quiet for a long moment and Pia was afraid she crossed the line. She calmed down only when he began to speak.

 

“My father left us for ten years, and when he returned, I managed to spend only a few months with him. He was the smartest man I knew,” he whispered into her neck. “My mother... she was everything.”

 

Pia pressed his face to her breast and let him cry. She also started thinking about her dead father and mother, whom she probably would never see again.

 

;:;

 

Pia felt insecure, sitting at a table full of Vikings. They ate, drank and danced, celebrating the marriage of one of the princes. She would like to return to the cottage and lay down and sleep, but she didn't want Ivar's efforts to be in vain. He found a dress for her and thought it was too long, Pia looked like a princess in it. At least she felt that way. Her shoulders were uncovered, revealing what she loved about herself - freckles. The blue colour of the dress matched her almost white hair and pale pink lips. Ivar plaited little braids in her hair because she didn't have such skills to do herself.

 

The ceremony itself was not so different from what she knew. The only difference was blood, gods instead of God and a race. Pia was curious, whether they always were this way. Thinking about it, she looked at Ivar and his non-working legs.

 

“What do future generations know about us?” he asked, and Pia jumped like a startled doe. “Has my name survived the time?”

 

"In a sense," she answered, playing with a string that served her as a decorative belt. “There is a legend about your father, and you are a part of it. Ragnar Lothbrok was known as the legendary ruler of Denmark. Your brother Bjorn reportedly ruled Sweden, and Sigurd Zeeland and Skania."

 

“And I? Who I have become?”

 

“Leader of the Great Heathen Army and one of the brightest strategists in the world.”

 

“That's it? Nothing more?” He clenched his hand on the mug. “Nothing else will remain?”

 

"That's quite a lot," She raised one eyebrow, not understanding his irritation. She snorted. “And a lot more would survive if you didn't act like a barbarian and burn everything in your path.”

 

Ivar gave her an angry look, then began to crawl away. Pia was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will update new chapter tomorrow :) Let me now how you like this one! :)


	4. Odin's mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes in Pia's speech are intended. She doesn't know their language well.

It was dawn.

 

Pia spoke to Ivar on the wedding day for the last time. Since then, he didn't speak to her, and that meant she was alone. She felt terrible and spent the whole day crying in Ivar's fur. She missed her home, her mother, her bed. She was alone here, and now even Ivar did not help. Her rescue was Margrethe.

 

The girl, seeing her red face and puffy eyes, ran to her side and put Pia's head on her knees. She stroked her head and whispered, that everything will be fine, that she would talk to Ubbe, so Ivar would stay away from her and she promised Ivar would not hurt her. Pia rose up and sat on her heels.

 

“Why Ivar hurt me?” she asked, her Icelandic clumsy.

 

Margrethe looked at her in shock. Sharp eyes of a former slave girl were able to guess, that Pia could understand what was being said in the same room, but she did not think that she would be able to say something properly in a way she did. The reason why she didn't speak earlier could have been different, more calculated, than language. She might not want them to know, that she knew their language to any extent. If Odin's chosen one wanted it, Margrethe would not say a word.

 

So she answered her question with details. She was now married to Ubbe and wasn't afraid of his younger brother. She talked about the night spent with Ivar slowly, so that Pia could understand each word. Pia was looking at her with wide eyes. She had already become acquainted with Ivar's brutality, but she didn't think he would hurt the poor girl so badly. It didn't surprise her, that they shared one girl, she was involved in something like that in college, but even though she knew what those times looked like, she still was angry with him.

 

Margrethe left, saying that she would prepare a bath for her so that she could go to England clean. After bathing, she got a new outfit, which was supposedly bought by Ivar for their travels. The clothes were black. Leather pants, soft shirt and warm fur. The girl folded her clothes and dress from yesterday's ceremony and said that Ivar also told her to take it with her.

 

As she laid in bed, ready to sleep after a long day of polishing the conversation skills with Margrethe, Ivar came into the room. Pia laid with her back to the curtain, so she couldn't see his face and couldn't tell if he was still mad at her for some reason. She pretended to be asleep and when Ivar crawled into their shared bed, her eyelids squeezed. He moved for a moment, probably took off his shoes, and then Pia felt the boy embrace her.

 

She was irritated with him for what he did to Margrethe, for leaving her, for how he treated her. But... he cared for her. In his strange, unhealthy way, but he cared. She waited until he started to breathe steadily, and then she turned to face him. His eyes were closed, his face calm. Pia get closer to Ivar and put her lips to his chin, then fell asleep in his chest.

 

And now, as the sun was rising up, she walked with a bowl of ice-cold water for Ragnar's sons. They were on the deck and they were talking. She came up to them and gave the bowl to Ubbe. Then she sat on her heels next to Ivar. She wanted to keep some remnants of dignity, but she needed his attention, her need for him was stronger. She sat like a faithful pet next to its master and waited for his praise. Ivar didn't speak to her, he was so focused on Bjorn's words, but he didn't refuse her and let her hold his hand. Pia aimed her attention on Bjorn's words.

 

“We are all equally Ragnar’s sons, but we are not equal in battle. So _I_ will take the lead. I will establish the battle plans, and I will give the orders. Do you understand that?” he spoke vigorously. Pia was looking at him with her eyebrow raised. She took her hand from Ivar's knees so he could take the bowl from Hvitserk. Ivar snorted. ”You don’t agree, Ivar?”

 

“I didn’t say anything,”

 

“You don’t have to. Your age makes you believe you know more than you do. But what do you know?” Ivar spat into the bowl, and Pia wrinkled her nose disgusted. “What have you done? What battles have you _won_ and what battles have you _lost_? For it is a failure, my brothers, that is where we learn the most.”

 

“Really?” he mocked.

 

“You don’t want to listen, that is your choice. But _I am_ the leader of this great army. _Me! And you will obey me.”_

 

Pia stood up, dissatisfied with the version of events. Men behaved like children. Ivar and Bjorn didn't differ much. Ivar was spoiled and not used to being refused. Bjorn was the eldest of Ragnar's sons, he had experience and respect among people, but he thought that he would manage with everything alone, that he didn't have to listen to others. Her move made the brothers look at her. She cleared her throat and said in their language.

 

“Any man, who must say ‘ _I am the king_ ’ is no true king,*”

 

Pia quoted the character from the show and she hoped she didn't make mistakes while translating and Bjorn would understand the message. They looked into each others eyes and Pia could see every emotion on his face. First was shock. Either because she dared to speak, or because she used his language. Later, when what she said to get to him, a grimace appeared on his face. Pia didn't withdraw or look away.

 

“What do you mean, woman?” His voice was low and threatening. He towered over her and Pia felt as if she had met a huge bear on her path. “Is something not to your liking?”

 

"Your behaviour," she answered, wondering what words to use first. Her speech would not have proper decay if she made some funny mistakes.” I do not doubt your skills. You are a great leader, but the louder shout about it, less honest you. Need to show you alpha male to younger brothers, suggests you do not feel confident. Leader be sure and confidence gained thanks to people help him. Share duties and glory with brothers. In the end, people say that Ragnar was avenged by his sons, not Bjorn Ironside.”

 

Bjorn straightened up, and Pia had to look up. In her new clothes and shoes, she felt like a badass. The man's lips slowly began to rise up, and he finally began to laugh loudly. He pulled her close and patted her back.

 

“I have to admit it, little wolf, you have a spark. Odin have choosen well, " He moved away from her. “I heard that you have blessed Ubbe's relationship. And I saw you doing it with Ivar also. Don't you think that the three of us also deserve a sign of Odin?”

 

Pia looked at Bjorn's amused face and smiles on the faces of Sigurd and Hvitserk, who, at the thought of her body close to them, were extremely pleased. This time Pia laughed. Smoke from cigarette called the Odin sign! What a hilarious situation.

 

“Sigurd, my backpack, bring it, please.”

 

Sigurd got up and brought her what she asked for, but he was not happy, it was him she ordered to do something for her. She took out her cigarettes from the backpack, lit it and put it to her mouth.

 

She motioned to Bjorn to bend over. She grabbed his chin to part his lips and then blew. She could see that Bjorn didn't like the taste or the smell of the smoke, but he did not move away. Sigurd and Hvitserk were next. Hvitserk tried to reduce the distance between them, and Sigurd wanted to connect their mouths, but Pia smacked them both on the head. Then she looked at Ubbe.

 

“And you not want blessing battle?” she joked, and Ubbe stood up and positioned himself in the right position.

 

Pia turned to face Ivar and made a trick with smoke, that made a way from her mouth to her nose, he always insisted on when he saw that she was smoking. She leaned over and without making sure if the boy wanted it, she put her lips to his. Her tongue opened his lips and she gave him the mark of Odin.

 

Ivar put his hand on the back of her neck and tried to press her harder to him, but Pia straightened up, not wanting to lose her balance.

 

“So which boat our?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Game of Thrones, Tywin Lannister
> 
> Next week I will post another two chapters. See you guys then! :)


	5. Part of your world

They were sailing for one day.

 

Ivar, who would not let her go, said they had another day of travel ahead of them. Time lengthened for Pia mercilessly. Ivar asked how she knew their language, and Pia told him the truth. He'd been angry with her for hiding such important information for a few hours, but he'd come back as fast as he could when the seasickness and fear would be too much. Pia held his hand and rubbed his back as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the bucket.

 

Before sleep, Pia played with Ivar's brothers in a game in which she had to speak only Icelandic, and they only English. They corrected each other and laughed. Ivar didn't necessarily enjoy it, he wanted to keep her only for himself. When it was late, they went to bed. Ubbe said that it would be warmer on the other side of the ship because more people would sleep there, but Pia refused, feeling hold on her hand, that could break bones.

 

When they were alone again, Ivar embraced her waist and pulled her to him. Pia took off her fur and covered their legs with it, and put on her jacket. She nestled into his side, careful not to touch his upset stomach. Pia fell asleep and woke up with the boy's fingers combing her hair. She burrowed into him harder, wanting to stay warm. Hvitserk had other plans. He wanted to finish the game from the previous evening.

 

Pia spoke with him in a whisper, still sleepy. She did not move away from Ivar and let his hand caress the inside of her thighs under the fur. Hvitserk left them after two hours and Ubbe replaced him with a breakfast. Pia bit into a piece of dried meat.

 

"I surprise you did not know about me language skill, Ubbe," she said, sipping her beer. “Your wife know it first.”

 

“Did you talk to her?” he asked, surprised, and she nodded, before putting her head on Ivar's shoulder. The boy's fingers tightened on her. If her trousers weren't so thick, Ivar's nails would break through her skin. “She has so few friends since she became a free woman.”

 

"I do not know if we be friends, Ubbe, so do not hope," she announced with her eyebrow raised. She had nothing to Margrethe, but something in her seemed out of place. “She tell me you share her. How you feel with it? With your brothers having her and they want to feel her still?”

 

Ubbe looked at her for a long time and later at Ivar. Pia did it too. His jaw was clenched, his lips arranged in a thin line. His eyes were also strangely glazed as if he was going to cry. Pia only now noticed, that Ivar took his hand from under the fur.

 

“And what else did she tell you about?” Ivar asked. Pia shivered. Ivar's voice was terrifying and she wanted to run away from him and hug him at the same time. “Was she talking about a cripple who cannot please a woman?”

 

Pia turned abruptly, the braids Margrethe made hit her face. If look could kill, Ivar would be dead right now. How dare he make a victim out of him, when he was guilty? Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ubbe slipping away, not wanting to get involved in their quarrel.

 

“No, but she was talking about a man, who tried to _enter_ her, when she was _not well prepared_ , who did _not_ see that she did _not want to_ , who wanted to _kill her_ , because he thought that if his dick wasn't hard, he was not a man!” she yelled in English.

 

The fist hit the wooden floor. Pia jumped up and immediately stopped speaking, afraid that the next place on which his fist would land, would be her face. She felt someone appear behind her, and when she turned her head to the side, she saw Sigurd. She calmed down a little, knowing that someone would defend her.

 

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he growled, then added. "Come back here, and you brother, do not even dare approach her.”

 

"Pia is not your toy, Ivar," Sigurd told him. “And she doesn't have to meet your demands.”

 

Sigurd took her backpack, then grabbed her wrist and started pulling her towards his brothers. Pia stopped halfway though. She was angry, Ivar was angry, but she didn't want him to think she was exchanging him for his brothers. So she sat in the middle and leaned her head against the edge of the boat. After a few minutes, however, she was unable to withstand such a seat. Fury flew through her body and she couldn't focus on anything else but her unfinished conversation with Ivar.

 

She wanted to go back to him, to feel confident and safe again, but she wasn't ready to apologize for the tone she used and that she didn't want to hear him out. She just sat down and regretted her bitter words, but not only she was guilty in this situation. He also reacted too emotionally. Pia could feel his fist on her cheek, which could have been there if she stayed longer and continued. She turned to the water and watched the waves and drifting ships.

 

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?” she started to sing quietly. “Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete? Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl, the girl who has everything?”

 

The more she sang, the louder she became. She could feel people's looks from the others ships, but that didn't make her nervous. Pia felt like on stage, and on the stage she always knew what to do.

 

“I wanna be where the people are. I wanna see wanna see them dancin'”

 

Pia dipped her hand into the icy water, imagining she could jump into it at any moment, change her legs into tail, and swim far away. Maybe even home. She looked at Ivar, not stopping to sing. He looked the other way and seemed completely uninterested, but Pia knew better. Ivar listened carefully to her singing and absorbed the text.

 

“Up where they stay all day in the sun, wanderin’ free, wish I could be part of that world*” she finished, feeling a tear running down her cheek.

 

She wanted to tell herself, that it was the last time she was crying, that it wouldn't happen again, but Pia knew herself and knew that life could be shitty and she was weak. In addition, there were many long years of life ahead of her. She could not make such promises just by wanting to be strong when she really felt terrible.

 

“You have a beautiful voice, birdie,” she heard.

 

The voice belonged to the man, who was on the ship next to theirs. He was tall, his head shaved, except for a small portion of hair, that fell on his face. He showed a set of straight teeth and Pia didn't know if he wanted to be nice, whether he just was like that or whether he was trying to flirt with her. She smiled gently in thanks, but said nothing, not wanting him to think too much.

 

“What you sing of?” Hvitserk asked in broken English. Pia guessed that they still were playing.

 

“A girl who live in the water and have a fishtail and fall in love with a man. Two versions of history. For children, it end happy and they become husband and wife. For adults, the girl turn in a sea foam. The mermaid not have a soul and she could have it when her loved become her husband, but he not because he loved another. She could have lived if she kill him, but she prefer to die than do that,”

 

Pia heard a snort and looked at the man next to the blonde. They both had similar tattoos on their faces. The man had long beautiful hair, and his face was arranged in a grimace. Pia tilted her head and looked at him for a long time, judging.

 

"You sea foam," she said to him, and he raised his eyebrows up. “Give it time. Once you be able to love again.”

 

"You are seafoam too," Hvitserk said, and Pia smiled sadly and let him lead her to the rest of the crew so that they could ask her questions.

 

She told them about the little mermaid the best she could. She thought her poor language skills would bother them, but it didn't. The Vikings loved stories and demanded more. So Pia fulfilled their wish. She told them about the princess, who fell into eternal sleep. She told them about the girl locked in the tower. She told about a girl, who went to the war instead of her father.

 

She tried to keep her attention on them, but she could not. Every few minutes she looked at the sitting figure on the opposite side, but she immediately looked away, when her eyes met his. But she began to speak louder, wanting him to also enjoy the story.

 

She lay down without supper, wanting to end this day as soon as possible. However, she did not return to Ivar. She arranged herself comfortably between Sigurd and Hvitserk. She woke up when they came ashore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The little mermaid - Part of your world
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)


	6. Blood eagle

They made a camp in the woods.

 

The sons of Ragnar and Pia shared the tent, as she was closest to them. There were five single beds in the room. Pia had two options: to sleep on the floor or with one of Ragnar's sons. Bjorn and Ubbe had wives, so she would probably end up with Hvitserk, Sigurd or Ivar. She wanted to help with something, but wherever she went she was sent back. They said that Odin's envoy should not do such things. So she sat under the tree and watched the preparations for the battle.

 

Pia watched as Ivar struggled to tie the scarf on his face correctly. Once it was too tight, and then too loose. Pia stood up, brushed off her pants and went to Ivar, who was sitting on the chariot. She took the black cloth from his hand and he let her. She tied it perfectly, covering his nose and mouth. She looked into his blue eyes. She didn't know, what Ivar saw on her face, but she knew it made him turn his head away.

 

Pia embraced his face with both hands and put her forehead to his.

 

"Come back to me," she whispered and kissed the space between his eyebrows.

 

Men and some of the women left, and Pia could only look at their backs. Slaves, servants and a small group of warriors, who were supposed to take care o their safety, stayed in the camp. Pia quickly found Helga and Tanaruz. The teenager immediately nestled into her chest and began to talk about what she had seen. While she spoke, she didn't notice how Pia gave her more and more food. Such an amount, that her body could get energy from, but that she wouldn't get sick of it after such a long time of not eating regularly.

 

Helga looked at Pia with gratitude. Tanaruz fell asleep after a meal on Pia's knees, calm for the first time in a long time. Pia looked at her and tried to imagine how terrified she must have been. Pia could communicate with them, she knew where she was and she had Ivar. Tanaruz didn't know the Viking language, she didn't understand why people who killed her parents, kept her. The girl had Helga, that's true. But Tanaruz couldn't turn fear into attachment, as Pia did.

 

She was aware of how unhealthy it was, but she really saw no other solution to survive. She tried to think of it as a defence system, that her mind created in a dangerous situation. People, who were kidnapped behaved similarly. They were emotionally tied to the abusers and it was impossible to blame them, but the situation.

 

She didn't want to think, however, that what she was beginning to feel for Ivar was only the desire to be in a good living position. She wanted to believe that despite his emotional problems, Ivar was a good man. He took her in and believed her. He let her sleep with him, shared his warmth and cared for her safety.

 

"Tanaruz thinks you're a slave like her," Helga said suddenly. The woman was looking at the fire. Pia stopped combing the girl's hair with her fingers and looked at Helga questioningly. “She only allows other slaves from her country and me to touch her.”

 

"She scared," she whispered. To show that she meant no harm, she hung her head down. “She see her parents murdered, and now you suffocate her here.”

 

Helga didn't say anything more. The fire consumed her whole attention. Pia closed her eyes for a moment, and when she woke up, she was alone. She rubbed her eyes, wanting to get rid of the remnants of her dreams, and then she went outside. Cold air hit her and she hugged the fur closer to her. It was still bright, so she couldn't have slept long. When she looked away, she saw the army returns. People cheered, patted their backs and laughed. Pia searched the chariot and tried to hear the clatter of wheels and a gallop of a horse. Nothing, however, happened.

 

She looked around hysterically, panic overwhelmed her body. Without seeing Ivar, she began to search in the crowd for his brothers. Every next face she was looking at was more and more stranger. She almost cried, when someone grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. When she looked up, she saw the man, who praised her singing. Pia looked at him with her large, fearful eyes and his grip eased. Because of her gaze and parted lips he wanted to have her here and now. But he knew he could not.

 

"Ivar asked for you," he said.

 

“Where is he?”

 

“A few kilometres before the camp. He asked me to take you to him." The man lets go of her arm and motioned her to follow him. “I'm Halfdan.”

 

"Pia," she answered.

 

They walked through the forest in silence. Pia didn't comment on how he looked at her, she didn't ask about anything, she just let him lead her away. Halfdan didn't want silence. He wanted her to tell him something about herself. Pia felt like on the job interview. She never knew what to say in a situation like that, what answer they expect from people. She couldn't tell him what she usually did because he did not know what a television or bicycle was. So she said she liked dancing and singing.

 

“How you see me?” she asked after he admitted that he would like her to dance for him one day. “A free woman or a slave?”

 

“Is Ivar your owner? Are you someone's property?”

 

They stopped walking. Pia could see and hear Ragnar's sons from that distance. Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk and Floki stood near a hole. Sigurd was holding a blade to the man's throat so he would not run away. Ivar lay on his stomach and looked down. Pia's eyes returned to Halfdan.

 

"Free," she said, pointing at herself. The man smiled.

 

“Exactly. And do not let people tell you anything else.”

 

Halfdan turned and began to return to the camp. Pia watched him leave for a moment, grateful for the fact that he brought back her old personality. She felt peaceful again. She began to walk toward the gathered, her steps sure and fast. Ivar, seeing her, smiled maniacally. A shiver ran trough Pia's back.

 

Floki forced an unknown man to kneel. Pia watched as the viking's fingers tightened on the man's shirt.

 

“I've been told your god is a carpenter. And guess what? _So am I_.”

 

Pia sat down on a fallen tree and looked away. She didn't want to know if what they would do with him, would cause her to feel the same as a ritual. They hadn't done anything yet, and Sigurd was assigned to look after the prisoner. Ivar crawled and sat down next to her.

 

"You will see how we fill our revenge, Pia," he murmured.

 

He leaned toward her and she moved away. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want them to go too fast either. She didn't want to be _just a flame_. She didn't want _him_ to be _just a flame_. She put her hand on his to let him know, that she did not reject him, that she cared. She searched his eyes and when they found her, she tried to show him how sincere she was. He saw it and squeezed her hand.

 

Ivar looked around to see if anyone was watching them. Nobody was around them, everyone seemed more interested in preparations. Bjorn instructed warriors to do a few things and they didn't have time to watch a girl, who saw the future and a cripple. He moved closer to her and this time Pia let him stay close. He embraced her waist.

 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. “I would never hit you. However, the topic of Margrethe evokes in me a great anger. Just thinking about that she told you...”

 

“Ivar, please tell me what happened. I will not judge you. I will not even say a bad word, but I must know if we..."she stopped speaking and looked at him so that he would know what she meant.

 

“Exactly what you said happened. Everyone had her, so I did too. I tried to make her and myself feel pleasure, but I was not able... I could not harden.”

 

“Apparently you have a different taste than your brothers and Margrethe didn't excite you. Maybe you need more than a naked body under yourself. Maybe your needs are more complex. You have time to explore your urges.”

 

" _We_ have," he said, emphasizing _we_.

 

Pia blinked several times, shocked as he spoke about it so easily. She didn't responded for a while, letting his words settle in her mind. She opened her mouth to answer _yes,_ _we_ _do have time_ , but Ubbe called Ivar. Ivar wanted her to follow him to a group of people. They stood in a circle with torches in their hands. When Ivar chose the right place to watch the spectacle, he sat down and Pia stood next to him. Hvitserk and Sigurd throw the man on the board. They spread his hands and held them at his wrist so that he would not be able to move them.

 

Pia watched, though she did _not_ want to. Curiosity took over her senses. At first, she was not sure, if she wanted to know about her fetish, but she changed her mind, seeing how excited Ivar was being. She regretted her decision when she saw Bjorn with a hammer. Not a second passed, and the viking knocked a nail into the man's palm. He did the same with the other one. The man was screaming in pain, but Pia did not look away.

 

Bjorn ripped the man's shirt, then went to the fire with the knife, that was given to him and warmed up the metal. The man cried in agony as the blade cut the skin on his back. Bjorn dug a knife into the wood next to him, then torn the man's skin with his bare hands. Pia could see blood, flesh and spine. Ubbe gave him the axe, and though Pia was aware of how cruel it was, she was, _she really was,_ but she stood still like a rock.

 

Bjorn strikes the ax into the man's back once, twice. Suffering visible on the stranger's face. Blood gushed and even hit her. She didn't wipe it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ivar creep towards the tortured man. He looked at the life that escaped the man's eyes.

 

Pia didn't react until the morning when they hanged the man's body on his lungs. She run to the bushes and vomited. She was throwing up until she began to cry. She sat a few steps away, her back to the hanging man. When she leaned her head against the tree, she thought she heard someone's voice.

 

“ _How the little piggies will grunt when they hear how the older boar suffered._ ”

 

A voice spoke, but Pia only saw raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am thinking about a little love triangle Ivar/OC/ Halfdan. What do you think about this idea? Let me know in comments! 
> 
> See you guys next week!


	7. Sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is new chapter! I hope you will enjoy it :)

Pia vomited many times on the way to the camp.

 

She tried to stop, tried to endure it, not to slow down the rest, but she couldn't. When she stopped to empty her stomach for the third time in five minutes, Bjorn lost patience. He took his men and Floki and they returned to the camp before them. Ivar, Ubbe, Hvitserk and Sigurd stayed with Pia.

 

Ubbe hold her hair and rubbed her back, to slightly improve her wellbeing. She wanted to get up and move on, but Hvitserk took her in his arms and put her on Ivar's chariot. Ivar put his arm around her and made the vehicle move, saying that it would be faster, and thanks to that, she would lie down earlier.

 

"One of my men brought you, or did they just tell you where to go?"

 

"Halfdan told me you were looking for me, and then he brought me to you," she replied quietly, uncertain of her voice.

 

“ _Halfdan_?” he asked to be sure, and then stayed quiet for a moment.

 

Pia trembled in his arms. From cold, from constant vomiting and anxiety. She didn't want him to hold her, not _now_ , not after what she saw. His hands were cold when he touched the bare skin of her stomach. While catching her, he slipped his hand in there and held her for a long time. His touch was no longer associated with security. Of course, she trusted him the most of all Vikings, but it wasn't fully trust.

 

“Don't talk to him again, do you understand?” he demanded, stopping the carriage. They were in the camp, people were walking around them, but he didn't care. He grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her to him. “It would be better if you don't approach anyone at all.”

 

“You don't decide it, Ivar. I do not see a reason, why I shouldn't be friends with him. He was nice to me.”

 

“Stop being naïve!” he growled. “You don't understand, that he only wants one thing?”

 

“And you don't?” She began to struggle. When she succeeded, she jumped off the wagon. "I don't want to argue with you, Ivar, but you question me every decision, my every word. I am grateful for your help, really, but you have no right to dictate to me what to do.”

 

She didn't wait for his reply and quickly run to hide in the furthest part of the camp, where no one could find her. She leaned against the tree and did her best not to think about how easily Bjorn had teared the man's skin, how Ubbe smiled, when blood touched his face and how Ivar looked with delight at the dying man.

 

An image of a hanging man flew through Pia's mind and she began to cry. She couldn't stand it. For all this time, she was calm, but now, when it has fully reached her, where and with whom she was and that there was no way to go home, she lost it. She had no idea, how to live in these times. Neither with vikings or Anglo-Saxons. Vikings lived a bloody life, the other cared only for saints. Pia didn't fit anywhere.

 

Tears ran down her cheeks, and sobs escaped from her throat. She couldn't cry quietly any more. Despair and fear took over her mind. She stopped controlling herself. She didn't wipe the salty drops anymore, she didn't care if anyone found her looking that way. She just wanted to stop feeling so lost.

 

“Pia?”

 

Pia looked up, calming down enough not to make other sounds, than her hiccups. The man crouched in front of her and brushed hair back from her face and then with a thumb tried to dry her cheeks.

 

“What happened?”

 

"I not like you, Halfdan," she said. “I not strong. My body and mind weak. Your bloody torture is terrifying.”

 

"Do not cry, birdie," he whispered, and Pia looked into his eyes. They were grey-blue and calm. Pia could see her reflection in them. She looked terrible. She was pale and her eyes looked like a storm. "Nobody will hurt you and I will defend you, so you do not have to be strong.”

 

Pia didn't answer his assurances right away. She waited until she calmed down enough to speak normally.

 

“Teach me to defend myself?” she asked, hope in her voice and eyes.

 

If she was to live here, she didn't want to be defenceless. She wanted to be able to always say _no_  if something was not to her liking and not to be _forced to_ change her mind. She no longer wanted empty promises, that someone would protect her, that someone would take care of her safety. She wanted to be responsible for herself. Halfdan nodded and gave her his hand to help her stand up.

 

“Come on, birdie. Firstly, you need to rest, then we'll think about learning to fight.”

 

Halfdan led her to the tent. But it was not Ragnar's sons tent. He belonged to Halfdan and his brother. The man guide her to his bed and cuddled her to sleep, covering her with blankets and fur. Pia mumbled sleepy _thank you_ and closed her eyes. However, it lasted a moment before she fell asleep and before she fall into Morpheus' arms, she managed to hear the brothers' conversation.

 

"You shouldn't do this," Halfman's brother said.

 

"She was alone and she was crying, Harald," he answered, using a tone, that suggested he didn't want to continue this talk.

 

“I do not want you to end up with a broken heart, brother.”

 

“I won't because I do not have such feelings for her,” he growled, ending the conversation. This time definitively.

 

;:;

 

Halfdan woke her when it was dark.

 

Pia came to conclusion, she had slept all day. But she still didn't feel rested. Her body ached, her eyes were still closing. But she let him lead her to the table full of people and sat down next to Halfdan. It took a few minutes, before she understood, where she was and why she was brought here. It was time for a feast, for celebrating after winning the battle. She looked at the other side of the table and, seeing Ubbe, she smiled lazily. But her face fell as she remembered, what had happened many hours before. She focused her eyes on the plate.

 

"You need to eat something, birdie," Halfdan said, putting some meat, vegetables, and bread on her plate. “You haven't eaten since yesterday, yes?”

 

Pia nodded her hand in thanks and grabbed the bread. She bit a few bites, but she didn't manage to try the rest.

 

“ _What do you think you're doing_?”

 

Pia didn't know to whom Ivar was talking. To her, because she was sitting here, not with him or to Halfdan, whose arm was slung over the chair on which Pia was sitting, and his hand played with one of her plaits. Pia looked at him. He was sitting next to Ubbe, his jaw clenched, eyes glared at them.

 

“I'm doing something that you could not. I look after her.”

 

Halfdan assumed, that the question was addressed to him, but Pia now knew better. Ivar stared straight at her. He was hurt and betrayed. But Pia felt so too, so she didn't want to bow down. Not when they shared a table and there were so many people nearby.

 

"Come here," he ordered.

 

"No," she said, clenching her fingers on the material of her trousers. “You lie. You said I important but you lie. Almost hit me and make me watch torture. Forbid me to have friends. You promise that I will be safe. You lie.”

 

“I apologized...”

 

"Sorry not always enough," she interrupted him.

 

She saw him open his mouth to make a comment, but the screams distracted him. Two men pulled some girl by the shoulders, and she struggled and yelled loudly. They began to explain to Bjorn, that they had found her with a dagger in hand at the camp's borders. Pia stood up, hearing the girl's name. She came up to them and told them to let her go. They looked at Bjorn. He waved his hand in agreement.

 

Blaeja looked at her suspiciously, but let Pia take her aside. Pia caught her hands.

 

"I know it's hard for you to understand now," she whispered. “But there is no way of escape now. You will become a slave and they will do whatever they want with you _or_ you can listen to me. I know you do not trust me, but you really have no choice. Will you be able to do what I am asking you to live, to survive?”

 

Blaeja looked at her in shock for a moment but finally agreed. Pia looked at the audience.

 

"Sigurd, you will become Blaeja's husband," she announced, and when she saw his expression, she continued. “I saw it, so it will happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 will be updated tomorrow or day after that. Take care and let me know what you think! :)


	8. Guilty pleasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Not much Ivar in here :( but there'll be plenty of him in the next one :D

Her words caused a great stir.

 

Not only Sigurd reacted violently. His brothers and their men also started shouting. Pia stood quietly, holding Blaeja's wrist. She waited for them to calm down, ask her questions and stop insulting her. Blaeja seemed anxious and hid behind her. Pia was not surprised. A bunch of vicious Vikings could be terrifying. However, she didn't think, that trusting her to defend them was a good idea.

 

“She is a _Christian_!” Ivar began.

 

“It's hardly your place to decide that,” Ubbe added.

 

"She's quite pretty," said Hvitserk, who was hit in the back of his head by Ubbe.

 

“You _saw_ it?” Bjorn asked sceptically.

 

 “Why _me_?!” Sigurd growled.

 

Pia arranged the answers in their language in her mind first, not wanting to make some minor mistakes, that could disrupt their conversation. The silence between them lasted some time and Pia was afraid to end her now. But she had no choice. You cannot say A without saying B.

 

“Yes, she is a Christian, but that doesn't mean you are better than her. So stop being an anti-Christian, Ivar. Ubbe, your brother made a lot of decisions for me, and you didn't say a word, so do not behave so sanctimoniously. Yes, Hvitserk, she is pretty, but she's not for you. Bjorn, you don't have to believe me. I don't care." She turned away from them and began to speak to Sigurd in a hushed voice. “Because you are the only one, who will take care of her. Faced with the choice between you, Hvitserk and Ivar, it is quite obvious. She will give you sons, thanks to whom your name, Sigurd Snake in the eye, will survive. So please, listen to me.”

 

Pia heard someone strike his palms against one another. She glanced in the direction of the sound and saw Ivar. She stared at him in shock, completely not understanding, why he was clapping.

 

"You've barely been able to say anything just a few minutes ago, and now you speak like this," he said in a mocking manner, leaning forward. "I wonder, what other talents you hide from us.”

 

Her heart ached. She didn't want to treat _him_ badly, but she didn't want to be treated badly either. Part of her wanted to apologize to him, she wanted to come back, but the other part remembered. Something drew her to him, something wanted to be close to him. But Pia knew herself. She knew that in the long run, she wanted delicacy, not brutality, which Ivar emitted. Why, then, did she have tears in her eyes, when he looked at her like that?

 

She opened her mouth to say something unpleasant to hurt him, just as he hurt her, but the flutter of the wings interrupted her. A raven sat on her shoulder, thrusting its claws into her shoulder to the blood. Pia hissed in pain, but she didn't chase away the bird. It gave her an idea. If they pressed on her connection with Odin so much, she would give it to them.

 

“Am I not the Allfather's favourite? Perhaps, as a gift for such a long endurance with you, he gave me the Allspeak?”

 

Ivar fell silent. He didn't have the right answer, and Pia knew it. She looked at Sigurd again, thinking of communicating well with him.

 

“So what's your decision?”

 

Sigurd looked at her with astonishment and only nodded. Pia turned to Blaeja.

 

"You will become his wife." She pointed to Sigurd. “He'll take care of you.”

 

;:;

 

Pia sat with Blaeja all evening. In the end, she agreed to get married to Sigurd, though reluctantly. She was afraid of what was to come, but she kept her face stony. From birth, she was prepared to become the wife of a nobleman. Sigurd was not civilized, but he was still a prince. Blaeja had no choice. Now, she will become his wife and she will take her revenge later.

 

The girl didn't move away from Pia. Where Pia goes, Blaeja goes. At the table, by the fire, next to Halfdan. Sigurd wanted to take her with him, but Blaeja cried, that it was not proper, that they could be together only on the wedding night. Pia looked at Halfdan, who sighed and began to whisper to his brother's ear. When he get the answer he wanted, he stood up and motioned to the girls, that they should follow him.

 

They came to the tent, he shared with his brother. Halfdan said he would give up his bed to them and he would sleep with his brother. Pia thanked him and hid from the cold under the blankets. Blaeja joined her, and a moment later she was asleep, the adrenaline finally died down. Pia was looking at the girl's hair, the colour of ripe chestnuts and pale skin. She was not a typical beauty, but she had innocence, that attracted people to her. Blaeja was young, and Pia condemned her to live with a man she did not love. All this to survive.

 

Pia wanted to defend this innocence because she had it for a short time. As long as she lives with Ragnar's sons, Blaeja will be safe. She'll take care of it. Pia closed her eyes, wanting to fall into Morpheus’ embrace, but no matter how much she tried to sleep, she could not. She slept all day and it disturbed her biological rhythm. She was not even a bit sleepy. She was wide awake. As soon as she closed her eyes, she saw a man hanged on his lungs. She wanted to vomit, but she tried to swallow it somehow.

 

She turned to the side, and Blaeja immediately felt Pia was moving away, so she cuddled up into a woman older than herself. Pia looked at her for a moment, wondering how she could trust her so quickly. But she thought about her situation with Ivar and Tanaruz, who also trusted her quickly. Pia looked up, her eyes focused on the tent's ceiling. She could barely defend herself from life here, and she wanted to protect two other girls. Tanaruz and Blaeja were similar. Both lost their parents, both were in an unwanted situation. Tanaruz as the daughter of Helga, Blaeja as the future wife of Sigurd.

 

Yes, teenagers were similar, yet so different. Where Tanaruz was shutting down and weakening day by day, Blaeja seemed to be strong and tried to get everything she could from the situation Pia had set her down. Pia wondered if she was so through childishness and stubbornness, or maybe she managed to defeat her inner demons. If she had any, of course. Pia didn't know what life Blaeja had before all this, so she could not exclude anything, she could not jump to conclusions. She did not want to see her as a princess, who was protected from everything and everyone.

 

A few days ago, Pia was just a girl, who lived her simple life. She studied, went to work, and watched Netflix. She lived calmly, aware of wars and conflicts, aware of hunger and poverty. And although she knew about it, she lived on because it didn't concern her. She didn't witness the cruelty, she wasn't touched by war. She didn't stand in its epicentre, she didn't have to run away from it. She didn't watch others die, no one raped her, nobody forced her to kill someone.

 

The future had a lot of laws, but not everyone upholds it. Evil and death are everywhere and always, no matter what period it is. In her time, people are also tortured and killed, but she began to care about that only when she saw it. Only now did she appreciate her old life. Her mother, who cared for her. Friends, who have always been there for her. A job, that allowed her to afford food. She had everything she needed, and she was unhappy. Here she had nothing, she was a stranger. She had no home, no family, no money. It was Ivar, who took care of what was necessary for life for her.

 

“You cannot sleep?” she heard.

 

She turned her head towards Halfdan. He lay on his side, his eyes focused on her figure. Pia slowly, not wanting to disturb Blaeja's sleep, turned around so that she could look at the man freely during the conversation. Candles have not been blown out yet, he was probably waiting for his brother's return. The orange light illuminated their faces so that both of them could see their faces very accurately.

 

Pia could see every wrinkle on his face, she could see every line of his tattoo. His eyes were half-open, suggesting that he had either been asleep a moment ago or sleepy right now. He had his hair behind his ear. He looked so soft at the moment. that it hurt her heart. If not for the distance, separating them, Pia could imagine that they were lying in one bed and like an old marriage, talking before sleep. But it was not like that and she didn't want to let herself dream about a problem-free life, because it will never be like that again.

 

Halfdan also watched the woman lying in his bed. He would like to be there, beside her instead of this Christian girl. He would like to embrace her, would like to kiss her, would like to touch her, would like to have her. His brother would laugh at him if he knew what he was thinking about. He would have laughed at him, being trapped by a woman he barely knew, although he mocked Harald's love. But his thoughts were safe, so he could freely admire her freckles, her pink lips, her petite body. However, what he liked best about her were her eyes. Big, doe eyes, which pupils had different shades of brown. The right pupil had the colour of the tree bark, and the left one was much brighter, its colour almost like gold.

 

She nodded.

 

"Too much has happened over the last twenty-four hours," she admitted. “And why are you still awake? You're certainly tired after the battle.”

 

Halfdan blinked several times, trying not to fall asleep. He slid off the blanket so that the cold would allow him to continue talking to Pia. He lifted himself up and leaned on his elbow. Pia threw off her fur and sat on the bed, her feet touching the cold ground. She should let him sleep, but she didn't want to be alone now, that she knew he had not fallen asleep yet. Halfdan mimicked her position, then patted the empty spot next to him. He wanted to have her close, to smell her. When she raised her eyebrow up, he used the sleeping Blaeja as an excuse. He didn't want to wake her up and the beds were on opposite sides of the tent.

 

Pia nodded and quickly swept from bed to bed. She sat cross-legged and wrapped one of the blankets around her. Halfdan looked at her with a smirk on his face, knowing he would remember to the end of his life how lovely she looked, running to him with her bare feet. Pia was looking at him expecting an answer.

 

"That's true," he admitted. “Emotions after the battle, however, still didn't drop.”

 

Pia stared at his face, reflecting on his words. She moved closer to him, feeling that maybe he also needed the closeness of another human being like she did.

 

“Do you... do you sometimes you regret killing? Even if it's a battle if it's an enemy? Do you regret it?”

 

Halfdan knew that much depended on his answer. He also knew, what kind of answer Pia wanted, because he was aware of how much she was terrified of the sight of the bloody eagle. She was sensitive and delicate. She was a flower, that he wanted to protect from strong winds and trampling. But he didn't want to lie. He wanted her to know what he was like.

 

"First battles are never easy," he began diplomatically. “You do not see them as people anymore. You see them as targets, sacrifices. It becomes _kill or be killed_.”

 

Pia bit her lower lip. It didn't agree with her vision of the world, but she had to apply a cultural filter. That's how they were brought up, that's what their culture looked like. There was blood everywhere.

 

"I have never liked red," she whispered. Halfdan looked at her incomprehensibly. She just waved a hand. “Doesn't matter. I will never be able to be part of your society.”

 

“You will!” he shouted. Pia hushed him with an equally loud,  _shh_ , seeing Blaeja move. After a moment, he repeated, his voice quiet. “You will. You only need time. You will learn to live among us.”

 

Pia sighed, then smiled honestly. Halfdan, fascinated by how beautiful her face looked at that moment, put his hand to her cheek. Pia let him do it, wanting to feel more warmth. She closed her eyes, enjoying his touch, and when she opened her eyes, Halfdan's lips was just centimetres away from her. Pia did not know what to do. Get carried away or be faithful to Ivar.

 

However, the decision was made for her.

 

“Pia! Pia!” shouted a familiar voice. Pia jumped from Halfdan to the right distance. Hvitserk entered the tent. He was panting, his face was horrified. “You have to go with me... Ivar... he... he almost killed Sigurd.”

 

_Fuck_ _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Pia can now speak their language. Yest, that because of Odin. It will be explained in the future.  
> To the next week!


	9. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long? uni is a pain in te ass  
> sorry for errors. i wrote it quickly. it's short i know, but next one will be much longer  
> enjoy!

Pia has never run so fast in her life.

 

Her bare feet hit the cold ground. She almost slipped twice in the mud, but she managed to get back to the rhythm. When she arrived, Hvitserk was right behind her, she saw Ubbe trying to calm Ivar and lack of Sigurd. Pia looked around, searching for him, but he was nowhere to be found. Before she hurried out of the tent, Hvitserk only told her, where they were and what had happened. Ivar almost killed Sigurd. She didn't know how, why or what it _almost_ meant, but she had to see Ivar immediately. She didn't know whether to make sure, that Hvitserk was telling the truth or if she really wanted to flee to him.

 

Breathing heavily, with aching calves and burning lungs, she approached the brothers. Their voices died down when they saw her. She stand next to them, waiting for her breathing to calm down. Ivar, however, was impatient.

 

“Did you get bored of being Halfdan's birdie?”

 

Pia gave him an angry look, but she didn't comment his remark. She didn't come here to talk about his possessiveness or her relationship with Halfdan.

 

“There's no time for your spite, Ivar. But for your information, I'm not tired of anything, because I'm _nobody's_ birdie. Where is Sigurd and what exactly happened here, Ubbe?”

 

Ubbe opened his mouth to explain the situation, but Ivar didn't give him time to do so. He put his elbows and forearms on the table, resting the weight of his body on them. There was a grimace on his face, and his lips parted gently. The muscles in his cheeks and jaw ached from the constant clenching. For a whole day he only felt great anger, and to refrain from doing something he would regret later, something stupid, he put his lips in a thin line. Ivar was impulsive, but he was not an idiot. Certain behaviours did _not_ suit him, he could _not_ do certain things. He let off his emotions many times, but now, when he wanted his brothers to take him seriously, he had to control himself.

 

Sigurd, however, was pushing all wrong buttons. It has always been this way and even now when they were adults, it has not changed. The main reason for Sigurd's assault was jealousy. Sigurd couldn't stand the way his mother devoted all her time and love to Ivar and there was nothing left for him. That's why he called him a momma's boy, a cripple and later, an impotent. After the situation with Margrethe, Sigurd became even more direct and their quarrels often ended in a fight. This time it ended with a knife in Sigurd's arm.

 

“Sigurd said something he should not. That's why he had to learn a lesson.”

 

Pia ignored him and kept looking at Ubbe demanding explanations. He sighed, knowing that he would probably be thrown into another fight again. He nodded toward the tent behind her.

 

"Healers took Sigurd to stitch the wound in his arm," he said, his voice grew the quieter the more he looked at Pia. She looked like Valkyrie ready for the battle. “There was an argument between Ivar and Sigurd.”

 

“What did they argue about?” she asked, but neither of them answered. Pia turned to Ivar, leaning in so that their eyes were on the same level. “What made you use a knife, Ivar?”

 

"You," he growled. “It's all your fault. If you didn't leave me, nothing would happen.”

 

"I am not your slave," she replied, slightly shocked. She expected all possible versions of events, but not that he would attack her with words again. “I can go where I want and with who I want. We all make decisions. I've made mine because I cannot defend myself yet, and I don't want to end up like Sigurd, or worse, as a corpse.”

 

“I would never do it! I…”

 

“You have said it already!” she interrupted him. “How can I believe that I won't be hurt, when you drive a knife into your own brother?!”

 

Ivar sat quietly, unable to find the right words. He wanted to keep assuring her that no harm would come to her, but after what had happened, he was not sure. He was, however, selfish and did not intend to let Pia leave. Not now nor ever. He found her, he gave her warmth and protection during the first nights. He cared for her, just as his mother cared for him when he was a little boy. He knew what to do, but it didn't always agree with what he _wanted_ to do.

 

Pia calmed down, seeing the expression on his face. Ivar was difficult to live with, but that didn't mean he was a bad person. He had trouble controlling his anger, but she saw that he regretted what he had done. He was not a psychopath. He did not love Sigurd, it was obvious, but he was still his brother, his family, his blood. She took a deep breath, calming herself. She put her hand on his shoulder.

 

"Show me that I can trust you," she whispered. “Apologize to Sigurd, do what _needs to be done_.”

 

Ivar looked at her, his eyes like a raging storm. They soften, seeing Pia's face. Her eyes begged him to do it. They were so warm and honest, that Ivar would do anything for her now.

 

“If I do, will you come back?” he asked equally quiet.

 

Pia nodded without thinking.

 

"I have to stay with Blaeja now, but as soon as she becomes Sigurd's wife, I will be back.”

 

This vision was less satisfying to Ivar. He wanted to have her here and now, he didn't want to part with her. When he didn't see her, he was in a constant state of anxiety. He wondered who she was and what she was doing. And now that he was aware, that she was with Halfdan, and that the man was interested in Pia, he didn't want her to disappear from his sight. However, the fact that she had to take care of a Christian girl, calmed him. Halfdan couldn't join her. And she run to him immediately, barefoot, without a coat.

 

“I wouldn't trust him. He will charm you with sweet words, and later you will regret it,” they heard.

 

Pia turned and looked at Sigurd. He was pale, she saw the bandage from behind the collar of his shirt, which was used to secure the wound. He was in pain and Pia was not surprised at all. But that changed nothing. She was going to find out what had happened and put an end to it. At least temporary.

 

"Maybe you tell me what happened, Sigurd," she ignored his opinion of her closeness with Ivar. “What led Ivar to stab you?”

 

Sigurd snorted.

 

“Can't take the truth, Ivar?” Sigurd teased. Apparently, he didn't care that Ivar's fury nearly killed him. He turned to her. "He couldn't stand that you chose Halfdan instead of him, that you prefer a real man instead of him.”

 

Pia was staring at him with wide eyes, uncertain whether she should be shocked or angry.

 

“Apologize to each other,” she said after a moment of silence. “And let's forget that it has ever happened.”

 

"You are not my mother, so stop behaving as one," he growled. “You also do not have to watch over him. And who do you think you are to demand such things from us?”

 

"My requirements did not bother you when they were supposed to bring you to glory," she hissed but stopped quickly. “I remember why I hate children now. They are loud and they do not listen to anyone. I'm tired, fix it by yourself, I won't be your mediator anymore, but if somebody's dead, you'll hear me saying _I told you so_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you in 24 hours?


	10. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its long. i tried to make it good, really.  
> i hope you like it ^^
> 
> sorry for errors!

Pia returned to the tent.

 

Fury flew trough her, her body trembled, and she didn't know whether it was because of emotion or cold. Halfdan rose when she came in and opened his mouth to say something, but he gave up seeing her dissatisfaction. He knew that it was not possible for them to return to the events from before her departure. Hvitserk's appearance ruined everything, and Halfdan didn't learn the taste of the woman's lips, he didn't know her warmth or touch. Now they couldn't come back for three reasons.

 

The first was what happened with Ivar. Halfdan didn't know what _exactly_ has occurred, what has upset her. It could have been Ivar, it could have been Sigurd or maybe the situation she happen upon. According to Harald, who returned shortly after Pia left, Ivar attacked his brother in a fit of anger. Halfdan was only partly surprised. He knew that Ivar was emotionally unstable and no one was able to predict his next step. He could see it at feasts in the great hall. He often argued with his brothers, especially with Sigurd.

 

The second was that his brother was already with them. He sat on the bed next to him and watched their interactions. Halfdan ignored this and continued to watch Pia, who was muttering something under her breath, wiping her feet with a piece of cloth. There was a raven on her shoulder, which moved uneasily, as if it was angry, that he could no longer see the trees. Pia didn't sit down, she just grabbed Blaeja's arm to keep her balance and not to fall while cleaning her feet.

 

And there was the third reason. Blaeja woke up with the appearance of Hvitserk. Yelling woke her from a deep slumber and she watched horrified as Pia ran out of the tent. She nearly chased after her, but Harald's figure appeared in the entrance. Blaeja curled up in blankets and furs, following each movement of the brothers with her eyes. She no longer felt confident and waited for Pia.

 

Halfdan watched as Pia, without saying a word in his direction, sat next to the younger girl and stroked her cheek to calm her down. Blaeja put her head on Pia's lap, andthe  older began to brush the younger girl hair.

 

Halfdan loved women like her. Those that had many faces. Delicate as a flower, subtle as the touch of a butterfly on the skin. On the other hand, they are as brave as a valkyrie, strong as a tree. Pia was like that in every way. He felt it when he saw her for the first time. Then, in the great hall, when she came in with Ivar, hidden in her strange clothing. Later, after the ritual, the way she danced, the way she moved, the way she smiled... She was so _beautiful_. Every part of his body twitched in the desire to touch her. Pia was so close, at hand, but so far away.

 

Pia combed Blaeja's hair with her fingers as she lay on her lap. Her breathing was slowly measured. She fell asleep. Pia was aware that the brothers were watching her, but only when she lay down, she looked at them. Her eyes at the split of a second met Halfdan's gaze. She held it, trying to give him her most sincere apologies. For not finishing their conversation, because she left, for not being sure what she felt.

 

;:;

 

Ubbe told her at breakfast, that they wouldn't leave until a few days later, but they wouldn't return home yet. Pia ignored his term of Kattegat. Their home _was not_ her home. She asked where Ivar was, and Hvitserk laughed and pointed to the forest. Pia began the subject of Blaeja's wedding with Sigurd and Ubbe called some women he knew. They took Blaeja to let her try on dresses for the wedding she was supposed to have - as she and Pia had just learned – today.

 

They acted quickly, she had to admit. She didn't believe that brothers would listen to her. That the wedding would eventually take place was not the result of her speech or demand. The Vikings didn't trust her. She could be considered Odin's favourite - especially now with a raven on her shoulder, which didn't want to leave her - but it made her higher in the hierarchy than the ordinary commoner. Generals, princes and kings were still more important and their opinion mattered more. Pia's suggestion was put into practice because it was _good_ and it _suited_ them. They saw in it benefits that Pia couldn't guess. Not yet, anyway.

 

When Pia and Halfdan got up together and started to go in the same direction, Ubbe and Hvitserk followed them even without hiding it. Pia rolled her eyes and cried out, asking about Sigurd, who was absent at the table with them all. She learned that he felt better, but not enough to get up, so they had a maid take food to him. Pia ignored Hvitserk's dirty joke about how a slave girl would definitely help him _feel better_.

 

They stopped in an unoccupied meadow, where there was no one and no one could see them.

 

“So what are we doing here? “Hvitserk asked, looking around.

 

“You? I have no idea. But Halfdan and I are here to train.”

 

“Train?” Ubbe raised his eyebrows sceptically. “You?”

 

“What's peculiar about that? Your women are skilled in the arts of war, so why I cannot try to learn to defend myself?”

 

“And who you think we are? You don't have to be afraid of anything with us!” Hvitserk grinned. “We'll protect you.”

 

Pia has changed her position. She was no longer back to them and she didn't look around the clearing. She focused her whole attention on them. She put her hands on her hips and slightly leaned forward. Her posture expressed everything. She intended to scold them.

 

“That's what I want to avoid! I don't want to depend on you all the time. I don't want to worry if someone comes to my rescue if I'm in a dangerous situation or not. I want to take care of myself. I want to be able to defend myself, I want to be able to defend others.”

 

Ubbe looked at her for a long time. He would break into her mind, wanting to know what was in her, what she was thinking. Pia didn't look away. She also looked straight into his eyes without showing fear and doubt. Ubbe smiled, apparently pleased.

 

“Who would have thought that you could change like that in a day. You are surprising me. Where is the embarrassed lass, who went into the great hall and hid her face with a scarf?” he asked in a delicate voice, tangling her hair with his hand as if she was his younger sibling.

 

Pia knocked his hand with a pout. Ubbe chuckled.

 

“But why are you doing this with Halfdan?” Hvitserk moaned. “You could come to us and ask.”

 

“First of all, I don't see a reason why I should have gone to you. Secondly, Halfdan was already available. Thirdly, I should also have other friends and not limit myself only to you. In addition, Halfdan is older and more experienced. He can teach me more, can't he?”

 

Hvitserk said another vulgar joke about the experience Halfdan had at his disposal and this time Pia laughed. Exactly this she suggested in a playful way to loosen the atmosphere and divert their attention from her choice. She didn't want them to know that she had mixed feelings about Halfdan and she wanted them to leave Halfdan and her alone so that she could slowly discover and learn about them. Layer after layer.

 

Their presence complicated everything. Not because she thought they would interfere with anything - though they probably would - but because of Ivar. They could have told him something, something they could misinterpret or something they should not have seen. It sounded wrong, very wrong. Pia tried to convince herself that she was doing nothing wrong, that she was not with any of them, but on the other hand, she promised Ivar that she would return to him, after Sigurd and Blaeja's marriage. But this sudden rapprochement with Halfdan made her doubt her feelings, dividing her mind in half.

 

She had never felt this way before. She had never been torn before. In her life, she truly loved only one man and he hurt her. Pia didn't deceive any of them, but she felt so. In the end, there was another man in her life. She hated her ex-boyfriend for what he had done to her, but she also knew how different their situation was. She was in a relationship with him for three years and then he started two-timing. Pia intended to spend time with both men to find out, who was something more to her, and to whom she felt only lust.

 

"Let's start with something simple," Halfdan said after brothers and Pia stopped joking. Halfdan touched her arms, stomach and thighs. His touch was not sexually related. It was an examination. “You are tiny and you have no muscle from what I can see. How about your stamina?”

 

Pia blinked several times. She expected them to push the sword into her hand and start training immediately.

 

“I will not get a sword...?” she stammered.

 

“Of course not! You couldn't hold the ax or sword, not to mention the stringing or aiming. First, I will teach you how to fight without a weapon. Thanks to this you will gain muscle and then we will start training with weapons. In the meantime, we will work on your strength and aim. So, your stamina?”

 

“Not bad, I think. I can dance all night and run fifteen kilometres.”

 

Halfdan nodded. Pia looked at the brothers, who walked away from them and laid down on the grass. Their eyes were closed, they were relaxed. Perhaps they were still tired after the battle, and Pia was not surprised. A lot happened during these two days and probably only now they had a moment to rest. Especially that a lot will transpire tonight. Wedding and a feast in honour of winning the battle on the same night.

 

“Attack me.”

 

Halfdan repeated the sentence again when Pia looked at him in astonishment. Pia stared at his muscular arms, wide shoulders and legs that held him firmly to the ground. She knew she would not beat him with brute force - in truth, she doubted she would be able to defeat him at the first, second or third time - so she had to be cunning or use the element of surprise.

 

A simple attack certainly wouldn't work. He would block her immediately. She also had no intention of seducing him. Such tactics worked only in certain conditions and circumstances. He expected a blow, a kick. Pia decided to do something completely different. She crumpled, pressed her elbows close to her ribs, her fists clenched against her chest. She set herself slightly to one side and, like a bull seeing a red cloth in the hand of a bullfighter, she pushed forward with everything she had. That tactic worked, at least in part. Pia's shoulder hit the man's chest, knocking him down. Pia did not predict, however, that Halfdan would take her down with him.

 

Halfdan fell to the ground and Pia on him. She felt his hard chest under her. Her fingers found their way to it, wanting to feel them more clearly. The smell of sweat and earth reached her. Pia wrinkled her nose. Something in this smell was wrong, something didn't suit her. Their eyes met and Pia saw Halfdan's eyes were going down. To her lips, to her neck, to her breasts pressing against him. The corner of her mouth rose up. She began to slowly get up, trying to disentangle herself from his limbs. Before she could do it, she heard a wolf-whistle.

 

She moaned unhappily and moved to be at a proper distance from him. She didn't like their smirks and the tight knot that appeared in her abdomen she hated even more. After this event, everything went smoothly. Halfdan showed her how she should stand, how to put hands to hit properly. Pia didn't notice, that the brothers left and come back with food and water for Halfdan and her. Time flowed so fast.

 

They stopped training when it was time to get ready for the ceremony. As soon as she put her foot in the camp, one of the servants took her to the tent, in her hands the dress Pia was wearing on Margrethe and Ubbe's wedding. There were three other women in the tent, who were trying to calm the weeping Blaeja. The girl, when she saw Pia, threw herself in her arms with tears. Pia stroked her back and when the girl finally calmed down, began to speak.

 

“Where were you? Why did you leave me with them? You were supposed to look after me!”

 

“You were and still are safe with them, Blaeja. I told you at breakfast, that some of their traditions do not let me spend those few hours with you.”

 

“They told me to sit on hot stones! And they let my hair down! And I had no idea what they were talking about! Why does the wedding have to happen so quickly and why do we have to follow their customs? I am a Christian and this wedding will not be valid without a priest!”

 

Pia for a moment moved her attention to the girl, who brought her here. She let Pia know that they did not have much time, so she had to talk and bathe at the same time. Pia began to undress, ignoring the red spots on Blaeja's cheeks. She went into the tub, answering her questions.

 

“It's their tradition. This bath and stones means parting with your previous life and willingness to enter into a new one. They let your hair down because they want to show that they're long. The wedding takes place so quickly because next battles await us, the war is on and there is less and less time, and tomorrow, Friday, is perfect. The Vikings vow on Fridays, wanting a blessing from their goddess of marriage. You _were_ a Christian. After this wedding, you won't be one anymore. You will accept Sigurd's religion and tradition, so your marriage will be lawful.”

 

“Are you... did it happen to you? Did you get to know their traditions after marriage? Is that why you know so much? You aren't one of them, are you?”

 

“No, I'm not one of them. And no, I'm not a wife of any of them. If I was, I could be with you during a ritual bath. My knowledge comes from asking questions. When I was not there I did exactly that, among other things.”

 

“Is there something more awful awaiting me?” she asked quietly.

 

“That's what every female virgin in an arranged marriage fears,” she said while coming out from bathtub clean and fragrant. “Wedding night.”

 

Blaeja paled. She was being taught to become a perfect wife of a lord all her life. Nobody, however, taught her what to do this night. How to behave, what not to do, what is decent and what is not. Fear of the unknown quickly turned into shame after she imagined herself in Sigurd's arms. She waited until Pia stopped talking wit a servant and then she spoke.

 

“Could... could you advice me how to behave?”

 

Pia moved her gaze from the slave girl, who was now coming out of the tent, to Blaeja. With the help of women, she put on a dress, then she began to dry her hair with a cloth so that they could focus on Blaeja again. They put her into an ivory dress, that swirled around her ankles and uncovered her collarbone. Her old dress covered every scrap of her skin, except her hands.

 

“It's your first time and you don't know each other well, so it will be awkward. At least at the beginning. Don't be afraid or ashamed of your reactions. Show him what gives you pleasure without hesitation and bravely tell him what is not for you. Funny sounds will also appear, but it's completely normal. I'm going to talk to Sigurd to make sure you're well treated.”

 

Blaeja nodded, relief visible on her face. Pia smiled subtly, happy that she managed to relieve her a little. At the same time, the girl with her backpack came back. Pia took out her toilet bag, in which she had some of the most necessary products. Blaeja watched carefully as Pia powdered her face, done makeup on her eyelashes and lips. Pia asked Blaeja if she wanted to go through the procedure too, but the younger girl refused, shaking her head.

 

“But maybe balsam? It will make your lips soft and will taste and smell like blueberries.”

 

Blaeja nodded, delighted with the idea. She loved blueberries, but she rarely ate them, knowing that this temptation could lead to sin. Pia dipped her finger in a small jar after opening the lid and then began gently rubbing the balm into the girl's chapped lips.

 

"Done," she said, hiding her toilet bag. “You can handle it, right? I need to talk to Sigurd before the ceremony begins.”

 

Blaeja replied quietly, that she would manage somehow and Pia left the tent. She appeared outside, and the raven returned to her shoulder right away. He flew off somewhere during the training, and Pia and three men were shocked, that the bird could withstand so much following one human. She joked, that he was flying away to hunt or that he returned to Odin to report to him what happened. Hvitserk and Ubbe preferred the second version more.

 

Pia felt horrible about her quick acclimatization. She should look for the way back home, she shouldn't give up so quickly. She shouldn't try to make a life here. She shouldn't fall in love or try to fit into their culture. And yet she did. She didn't know the way back, she didn't know if she would ever find it or if someone would be able to help her. She gave up because she didn't see any other option. All she could do was assimilate and hope that everything would be fine.

 

She entered the tent of Ragnar's sons without announcing her presence. She used their ignorance and began to look at them. There was no Bjorn among them, and Pia didn't think about why he was gone. Ubbe and Hvitserk were laughing at Sigurd and Pia guessed, that it was about his anxiety. She hid a giggle in her hand but still knew that she had been heard by someone.

 

Ivar looked at her, the features of his face softened. Pia curtsied, grabbing the dress to make it look wider. A light blue dress, that once belonged to his mother. Ivar looked with admiration at the changes, that took place on her face. She was no longer deadly pale and had no dark circles under her eyes. She looked rested and full of energy. She no longer looked like a lost child, but a confident woman. Ivar, on the one hand, hated this change, and on the other he loved it. Negative feelings came from the conviction that now when she was strong she wouldn't need his care or support.

 

But the way she looked at him as if he was the centre of her world. This fire in her eyes. And the way her breath accelerated when he saw him. Her chest was waving, pushing against the top of her dress, her breasts ready to pop out. Her eyes suddenly seemed larger, more innocent and sexy at the same time. Her lips were coloured as blood, and Ivar only dreamed of smearing the red on her face with his lips.

 

Pia smiled promisingly and turned her eyes away reluctantly.

 

“I see that not only Blaeja feels nervousness.”

 

It caught their attention. Ubbe and Hvitserk looked at her in shock at the fact that they had not noticed her before, and Sigurd was horrified, that she saw him in such a state and that later she would mock him. He had such concerns about Ivar and that was enough for him. His younger brother apologized yesterday evening, but he did it so quietly and insincerely that Sigurd ignored him completely. He knew that he only did so that Pia would come back to him and forgive him.

 

“I won't take much of your time. I would just like to discuss the consumption of his marriage.”

 

Sigurd quickly had some assumptions.

 

“Do you think I cannot please a woman?” he growled.

 

"Your words, not mine," she laughed.”But seriously now. Your experience is now very useful. Blaeja is a virgin, and it is your duty to prepare her _properly_. Take care of her. Worship her body. You can't just take. You have to give.”

 

"I know it," he murmured.

 

"You'll have a chance to see that." Pia looked questioningly at Ubbe. He immediately explained his comment. “There must be six witnesses to _consumption,_ as you put it prettily.”

 

“What?!” she screamed. Her neck almost snaped with the violence in which she turned her head towards him. “Six people have to watch how...”

 

“No, all we have to do is go with them. They will enter the tent, we will sit in front of the entrance for some time and after we can leave and have more fun.”

 

Pia knew the tradition and knew that it could always be worse. She didn't think that the Vikings also had to do so.

“Well... Who is going?”

 

“You, Hvitserk, Floki, Ivar, me and one of Sigurd's friends.”

 

Pia looked at them for the last time, lingering with her eyes longer on Ivar, and then she left.

 

;:;

 

The marriage of Sigurd and Blaeja differed from the marriage of Ubbe and Margrethe only to a small degree. The first was replacing the blood of a goat with the blood of a hare. Second, Sigurd didn't give Blaeja a sword, but a short knife and ordinary ring without runes. Third, there was no race. Everyone immediately went to the feast. Pia was standing next to Blaeja all the time and explaining what to do and say. She was by her side now too and watched what was happening.

 

"You didn't warm me they would splashed me with blood," she grumbled.

 

“I didn't think it was important,” she murmured and then added. “I know that you probably don't want to do it, but the custom requires that the bride and groom start dancing, so others can do it too.”

 

Sigurd was looking at his wife expectantly, and she flared under his gaze. She accepted his offer and left the table. Other couples followed and the fun began. Pia loved to dance, she loved to enjoy life. Many asked her to dance, but she refused. She refused, because the person with whom she wanted to dance the most, couldn't do it. She looked to the right, where the Sigurd's brothers were located. Hvitserk and Ubbe, after her refusal, found other partners and disappeared among the crowd of whirling couples. Only she and Ivar sat on this side of the table.

 

Pia moved from her seat and sat down at Hvitserk's place next to Ivar. He looked at her, his expression unreadable. Pia grabbed his hand and squeezed it in hers, and her thumb began to form circles on the inside of his hand. She moved closer to him, their knees almost touching, and their arms in contact.

 

“Why don't you dance?” he asked, breaking the silence.

 

Pia sighed dramatically.

 

“Everyone is dancing, so nobody would pay attention to me.”

 

Ivar, however, did not laugh, and the muscles of his jaw tightened. Pia also stiffened, not knowing what to expect. Ivar didn't look at her but at dancing people. His eyes were full of anger, regret and jealousy. Pia promised herself that if Ivar couldn't dance with her, she wouldn't dance with anyone else.

 

“I do not need your pity. You do not have to sit here with me and pretend you are happy.”

 

Pia blinked.

 

“It's not pity, Ivar. And I know I don't have to, I _want_ to be here. And I don't understand how can you say that. You insisted yesterday that I stay with you, and today you want me to leave. I don't know what you want me to do. You must talk to me, Ivar.”

 

Ivar said nothing, and his jaw tightened, showing his annoyance. Pia felt like touching his face. Touch it until it becomes friendly again, put its features into a smile. Nothing happen, because they were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Pia looked into Halfdan's grey eyes.

 

“Dance with me?” he asked, ignoring the presence of the youngest of Ragnar's sons.

 

Pia looked at Ivar, hoping that he would react in some way. He would refuse because they were busy talking. He only put his lips into a thin line, as if he refrained from telling an unpleasant comment. _Feel free_ , she screamed in her mind, _do it! Stop me!_

 

He did not do it. Pia smiled sadly.

 

“My whole is still sore after training. I don't have the strength to dance. Next time, all right?”

 

After several moments of persuasion, Halfdan returned to his table. Pia played with the thought of returning to her old place, but changed her mind, when Ivar's forefinger began to caress the skin of her hand. She hid a smile behind the wave of hair and sat in silence. Pia began to play with her tongue piercing and came to the conclusion that if she wanted to keep her teeth and have healthy gums, she had to take it out. She didn't have the right products to take care of her oral hygiene.

 

Pia talked to Blaeja this evening only a few times. A few times, when Blaeja had to drink, later when she wanted to eat something and finally when she needed to rest. She didn't understand what people were saying around her, but someone asked her constantly to dance, and her head swirled because of twirling and mead. There was red on her face, sweat and she didn't look like a lady. Her tousled hair, shiny eyes and a huge grin on her face made her look like a madwoman.

 

Pia stopped her from drinking another cup of alcohol and gave her water. She knew that Blaeja must be half-sober during her wedding night. Fifteen minutes later, Ubbe came and said it was time to go to the tent. Pia helped Blaeja to walk without falling over her face, and when they were there already, she gave her some more water, wiped sweat from her face, neck and cleavage. Blaeja slowly began to sober, so Pia could let Sigurd in. However, he pulled her away a few meters from the tent and began to shift from leg to leg.

 

"I will be good to her, really," he murmured. “But could you tell me how... How do you say _you're_ _beautiful_ in her language?”

 

Pia told him what he wanted to know and repeated it a few times with a smile on her face, so he could remember it and then sat down with the other witnesses. For a few minutes they joked with each other and had a loose conversation, but they fell silent when they heard woman’s moan. The men laughed, but Pia felt a little embarrassed and... and excited.

 

Ivar sat so close that she could feel the warmth and smell of his skin vibrating from him. Wood, leather and honey. Pia moaned in pleasure. She came closer to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. He didn't reject her, and that meant something. She didn't want such closeness that they had fulfilled earlier. She didn't want drunken kisses. She didn't want kisses that only would make his brothers jealous. She wanted a kiss full of passion and adoration.

 

She understood why Ivar had said what he had said and done what he had done. He was afraid of her rejection because of his legs, because of his numbness from the waist down. He was afraid that Pia would be like everyone else, that she would made fun of him, that she would give up.

 

"I love your eyes," she whispered in his ear. She felt him shudder. “They have the colour of the coldest ice. However, this ice would melt on the fire of my skin, when you are with me. I love your arms that are as strong as steel. They could break me in half. I love your rough hands that make wet pool between my legs. I love your long and thick fingers that appear in my wildest dreams _inside_ me.”

 

The last sentence she purred with her lips against his cheek. His facial hair was pleasingly irritating her mouth, and Pia had to move her legs to somehow stop the throb in the lower areas of her body. When the men turned back to the bonfire and were no longer in front of them, Pia quickly pulled up the dress and sat on Ivar's thighs. She pressed her aching breasts to his chest, her abdomen to his, and her fingers clutched at his thick hair. She drew his lips to hers in the kiss she wanted.

 

From that moment, nothing was the same anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> Check my IG: dramaqueenofbees. :)


	11. Lust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll just leave it here

The wedding party lasted for a week, according to the Viking tradition.

Pia's second day of celebration began with swollen lips, red cheeks and a tightly bound knot in her abdomen. After the kissing session, Ivar wanted Pia to return with him to his tent to continue their carnal adventures. Pia almost said yes. She almost went inside with him. She already imagined kissing every bit of his body, massaging his legs, caressing his masculinity, putting it in her mouth and wrapping her flexible and wet tongue around it.

And yet she refused. She refused because she knew that when she would follow him, there would be no turning back. She would belong to Ivar. And she could not. Not yet. Not until she knew the answers to her questions. What does she feel for Ivar? Is Halfdan important for her too? Or maybe she just lusted after them at the same time?

She laid in bed and thought about it, refraining from immersing her hand into the curls on her lower lips. She knew that if either of the men would now slip under her blankets and kiss her, she would not hold back. She would allow herself to be possessed, she would have let herself be defiled. She would do it willingly and would not restrain herself from moans of pleasure. She would squirm under them, leave red marks on their necks, collars and chests. There would be traces of crescents on their backs from her nails. Maybe she would even let them ejaculate inside her.

However, she already knew she felt something more to Ivar. She wanted to lie in his arms, she wanted to gently kiss his hair, cheeks, lips. She wanted to take her time with him. She didn't want only animal sex with him. She wanted feelings. She wanted to worship his body. And she wanted him to treat her in the same manner. And yet at the same time, she also wanted Halfdan's lewd kisses and his slender fingers in her.

When Pia woke up sweated before the sunrise, her body hot, she looked to the side. Harald and Halfdan were still asleep. Blaeja was no longer with her, she was with her husband in the tent of Ragnar's sons, though she doubted that any of them would stay in the tent filled with scent and sounds of sex. They probably found another place to nap. Pia, despite Ivar's persuasion, returned to the tent of Halfdan and his brother. And she stayed there for the next few days.

It was quiet in the camp, everyone else was sleeping after the wedding. Pia pulled her dress up over her stomach, put two fingers in her mouth to moisten them, and then found a small button between her legs. She began to rub it slowly, imagining how someone's else hands were doing it. Man's hands, rough and full of scars. A second hand released the roundness of her breasts and trapped the nipple between the index finger and thumb. A small moan escaped her lips. She felt her insides becoming wet, demanding something long, curved, thick.

Her fingers spread her labia and dipped in excess fluid. For a moment, they moved up and down, from the clitoris to the entrance, dreaming of a long, wide tongue that would have consumed her. This thought made Pia abandon her swelling breast to focus on the lower part of her body. Pia first put one finger and began to push it.

She slipped it in and then out, thinking about someone's tongue. Her other hand broke through the thick curls, covering her clitoris and began to create circles on it.

Her breathing accelerated, groans grew louder, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't stop. She slipped the second finger inside and began to move them like scissors, her legs bent, her hips lifted up so that her fingers hit the right places. Feeling she was wet enough, she added a third finger and began to ride it, dreaming that it would be a hard penis that would give her the right pressure and extension.  
She came hard and with a loud groan, her eyes seeing blue ones, and on the lips the name of her favourite Viking. She fell back on the fur, satisfied. A moment later she fell asleep with her juices running down her thigh, not knowing that someone's eyes were watching her closely all this time.

When Pia woke up a few hours later, the sun was high in the sky. She was alone in the tent and comfortable to get into the clothes Ivar had bought her. She left and went to the clearing where the tables were. Apparently, the time for breakfast has not passed yet and people were still sitting, chatting and eating. She smiled at Blaeja in greeting, then sat down next to Ivar, kissing his cheek. She grabbed an apple and bit into it as Ivar began to kiss her fingers in an adoring way. He stopped quickly, but still held her fingers pressed to his lips.

Pia looked at him questioningly. Ivar didn't notice it, his eyes closed. Pia realized what he was doing only after a minute. He sniffed her fingers. Pia blushed, understanding why he was doing it. Fingers that had been sunk in her only few hours earlier had smelled of her juices. They smelled like her. Ivar opened his eyes and Pia saw a dangerous spark in them. He was aroused. He wanted her. If they were alone, he would probably throw her on the table and fuck her long and hard. Pia wasn't really sure if he wouldn't do it even now with most Vikings being there.

She got up quickly, throwing the apple core out and rushing away from him. She didn't want to end up, rubbing against him to reach fulfilment. She ran to the meadow and began to train. An hour later Halfdan joined her, and sometime later they returned to the camp for another feast. This time Pia spent the evening focused more on food and drink than on the conversation with Ivar, who massaged her knee.

:;:

The third day was more tiring.

Not because of the gruelling training or hangover that tired her, but because of Ivar, who was pushing her more and more. Pia was not completely dissatisfied. She liked his touch, she liked their long kisses, she loved to entwine her fingers with his when they were sitting by the fire. She wanted more and more, but she knew she had to hold back. She didn't want them to burn fast and madly. If she was to stay here, she wanted to stay with him.

But Halfdan's behaviour didn't help. During training, he became more direct, he was no longer limited to delicate brushes while correcting mistakes in her posture. Now his hands swung freely around her waist, her shoulders and her neck. His hands were warm, but shiver still ran through Pia's back. Her breathing accelerated as Halfdan's fingers accidentally slipped from her belly to her thigh and then subtly to her core.

The hot flush passed through her body. Pia looked at him from under the fan of eyelashes and let him draw her to his chest. Her heart was beating fast. Halfdan's hands settled freely on her hips, and his lips found her temple, her forehead, her nose, and finally her lips. He didn't deepen the kiss, he didn't use his tongue. He was delicate like a butterfly.

When they returned for the time of the feast, Pia was unable to look into Ivar's eyes, full of remorse. Ivar played with her hair while she looked blankly at her knees. That night she fell asleep with tears on her cheeks.

:;:

On the fourth day, she didn't go out for breakfast, she didn't go to training, she was not in a tent or in a camp. She went deep into the forest, dressed in things from her time. She sat under a tree and began to cry.

She didn't understand how she could behave like that. Now she was really deceiving them. Halfdan thought he had a chance when Pia couldn't give it to him. And if Ivar found out... if Ivar found out, her heart would break.

She didn't understand why she had to make the wrong decision. She didn't understand why she couldn't control her desire. On the one hand, she wanted to escape into Ivar's arms, and on the other, she would like to get more kisses from Halfdan. And yet she couldn't have both. She pulled her knees to her chest and hid her face in them, not controlling the hiccups that tormented her from constant crying.

"Pia?"

Pia lifted her head, hearing a familiar voice. She looked at the blonde with red eyes, wet cheeks and a snotty nose. Hvitserk quickly approached her and crouched down.

"Are you unwell?" he asked, wiping her tears with his sleeve. "Has someone hurt you?"

Pia shook her head.

"I did it to myself," she sobbed. "I didn't want it to happen, really. I care about Ivar, but Halfdan... Halfdan..."

"Breath, Pia, breathe," he whispered, stroking her hair. "What happened between the three of you? It seemed to me that everything was fine. Was I wrong? And what did Halfdan do?"

"I kissed him."

Hvitserk grinned.

"Who? Ivar? I know. You are not so sneaky as you think..."

"Halfdan. I kissed Halfdan," she corrected him. "Yesterday, during training."

Hvitserk sat down next to her, suddenly without energy. Pia was not surprised. She was also exhausted. She sighed heavily. She stretched her legs and leaned her head against the tree, waiting for the man to say something.

"Don't tell Ivar about it," he finally said. "And it will be better if you start training with someone else. With me or Ubbe. And it would also be good if you moved to our tent."

"I cannot," she groaned. "I feel bad with what I did, don't you understand? If I move to your tent, I will have to sleep with Ivar. If I sleep with someone else, he'll think I'm rejecting him. If I don't let him touch me, the effect will be the same."

"I'll talk to Floki. He will definitely let you stay with him, Helga and Tanaruz."

Pia followed him, taking her things from the Harald and Halfdan's tent along the way. Harald looked at her as if he knew exactly what was happening. He didn't say anything, but Pia knew what he was thinking. He thought that she did it on purpose, that she planned it all.

That evening Pia, Tanaruz and Helga did not participate in the feast. They laid cuddled together, covered with blankets.

:;:

The next day Helga arranged a bath for Pia and Tanaruz in the early morning.

They went into one big tub full of hot water. Helga washed the back of her 'stepdaughter', and Pia washed the dirt off her body herself. Later, she quickly washed her greasy hair and left the water, despite Tanaruz's pleading look, asking her to stay. She dressed in her washed black outfit, dried her hair with a cloth, and then tied it in a high, sloppy bun, feeling the drops of water run down her neck. She exchanged glances with Helga, who washed off the lather from Tanaruz's head. She didn't know what exactly she meant, but she knew that Helga knew and was not happy about it.

When she reached the clearing, Ubbe and Hvitserk were already waiting for her. Hvitserk held the horse's reins and grinned at her, and Ubbe stroked the back of the animal. Pia stood at the right distance, not sure what character the horse had. She didn't want her teeth to be knocked out or to has a concussion.

"Don't be afraid," Ubbe chuckled. "Hrimfaxi is gentle. Come on, touch him."

Pia came closer and put her hand on the black horse's face. The animal came closer to her and bumped its face into her belly, demanding more caresses. Pia smiled showing her teeth. She began to stroke it on the mane, on the back and on the belly, as if it were a huge dog.

"Today we will start with teaching you how to ride a horse," said Hvitserk, rearranging the saddle. Then he patted it and pointed to the horse. "Hop on."

"But I don't want to," she refused stubbornly. She moved away a few steps and put her hands on her chest. She looked at one brother, the other. "I don't agree. I don't understand why I should do it."

The other rolled his eyes and began to walk toward her. Pia, seeing this, started to retreat and finally ran toward the camp. The men began to laugh. Pia turned and saw Ubbe catching up with her. She accelerated but managed to run only a few meters. Ubbe grabbed her and threw her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He sat her on a horse and didn't even have a shortness of breath.

"When the week is over, we will set off inland. You must be able to ride. At least know the basics,"

Pia caught the horse's mane first, uncertain of exactly what she should do. Her legs dangled loosely and she didn't know what to do with them. Hvitserk did something near the saddle and Pia felt the stirrups under her boots. Ubbe led her hands to the reins.

"Straighten up and squeeze your thighs firmly so you won't fall. You pull on the reins to stop, and you hit your heels against the back of the horse to start or to speed up, "

Ubbe showed how what and where she should do. Pia sighed heavily. Hrimfaxi was not a naughty horse, he would not let her down and he would listen to her commands. These verbal and non-verbal. It was not a problem. The problem was the fatigue she felt after an hour of driving. Her back ached from constantly being straight. Her fingers were set so tight on the reins, and her thighs on the saddle, that she couldn't straighten her fingers after descending from the horse, and her thighs stung mercilessly.

Pia was returning to the camp with widely parted legs, understanding the funny gait of western cowboys. She walked with Ubbe and Hvitserk toward the tables but suddenly stopped. She was going to eat today with Tanaruz and Helga, but the look of the later told her she was not welcome there. Not until the truth will be out until she won't fix what she ruined. Pia looked at Hvitserk, who stayed with her. She looked at him long and meaningful until he finally understood. He shook his head fiercely.

"Pia, no. It's a very bad idea. This can end badly. It will end badly, "he shouted at her in a whisper. "You know how he is. You know how he reacts. Do you remember what he did to Sigurd when he only suggested that you were close to Halfdan? "

"So what do you want me to do? To pretend that nothing had happened and as if it was nothing come back to him? I can't do it! I am not able to get rid of remorse that I did something wrong... "

"Have you told each other that you are the only one for one another?" he asked.

Pia looked at Ivar and their eyes met. The boy lifted one eyebrow up in a questioning gesture, wanting to know why they had not yet sat down, why she had not been next to him yet. But his lips were smiling. His face had delicate features, there were no wrinkles of worry on his forehead. Pia gave him a subtle but sad smile. It made Ivar tense like a string, sensing that something was wrong.

"And is Ivar and his possessiveness different than 'mine, now and forever'?"

Hvitserk didn't answer, but Pia knew he agreed with her. Pia took a few deep breaths to calm down and moved toward him. She stood beside Ivar and grabbed his hand.

"Could we talk?" Pia looked around and noticed that Ubbe was watching her closely, apparently curious about what she had to say. Hvitserk whispered something in his ear and they both looked at her with admiration, but also with fear. "In private."

Pia for a moment believed that he meant her comfort so she could rest, but she saw in his eyes that the only thing he wanted was to put his lips on her neck and his hand on her thigh.

"No, Ivar. First, I would prefer to talk to you. "

He made a gesture of his hand that told her to lead him to a place she thought to fit for this conversation. She turned and began to walk to the tent of Ragnar's sons, seeing that everyone was at the table and that they would not prevent the love of the newlyweds.

Inwardly, they missed Halfdan and his brother on their way. She didn't want to keep this kiss secret for many reasons. The first was that it was unfair to Ivar and Halfdan. She spent the evenings with one, sharing hot kisses and unfulfilled touch, and with other training and joking. The second was about her ex-boyfriend. She didn't want to be like him, she didn't want to hurt them like he has done with her, she didn't want to be two-faced. The third concerned her own fear. She preferred to tell Ivar about it herself rather than let someone else do it. She preferred to calm him down, suppress his anger and soothe him. She only hoped that she would manage to do it before he would stab her with a knife into the artery.

Pia reached the tent of Ragnar's sons, unveiled the sheet and waited for Ivar to crawl inside. Crawling next to her, he slapped her on the thigh. He was probably aiming at her buttock, but he could not reach so high without stopping moving. He sat down on his bed, and Pia took a seat on the bed next to him, though Ivar patted the seat next to him. The boy tilted his head to one side.

"Give me your knife," she said and held out her hand. Ivar froze for a moment, then burst out laughing. "I know how much it means to you, but... I want to be safe while talking to you,"

"Pia, you don't have to worry. You're safe with me..."

"Your knife, Ivar!" she snarled, then added, quieter, calmer. "Please give me your knife, Ivar."

Ivar did so, but his lips closed in a thin line. Pia hid the knife behind her. She took a breath and exhaled.

"Halfdan and I kissed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think, darlings~
> 
> check out my IG: dramaqueenofbees


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